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[LSVIXEN] Los Santos Vixen Podcast: Episode 1 "Christmas Wishes"

Al-Malikah

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Al-Malikah

Al-Malikah

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The hottest tea, the spiciest gossip, the fiercest commentary

and no fucking censorship. We are the Los Santos VIXEN.
Hope you've been doing your kegels, babe.

 


Letter from the editor: Sis, stop reading the story and BE the story.

Submit your gossip to our handy and under-fucking-utilized gossip submission form. Chop chop. 

Also Like, Subscribe, Share, is this your first time online?  Click HERE ! LSVIXEN XOXO ❤️  

 

 


LS Vixen Podcast: Episode 1 "Christmas Wishes"

 

 

 

 

 

Episode Transcript:

 

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LS Vixen: Hey cuties, hotties, and stunners, So I am like beyond happy to welcome you to the first release of the Los Santos Vixen Podcast. This is your One-Stop shop for gossip, social commentary, and fierce fucking news.

While most media fuckfaces have censorship, we do things a teensy bit different at the Vixen. I'm going to be super real with you and I'm going to give you the lowdown on what I want for Christmas.

For the first day of Christmas, all I want is for men in stained sweatpants to realize that hitting on me in such a basic and gross state is deeply unappealing.

For the second day of Christmas, I would love to have a functional state government where half the Senate aren't disembodied brains preserved in jars and kept below the desk of Mr. Noah Wade until he finds a convenient time to whip them out.

For the fourth day of Christmas I would really love for you to find love. I'm not being mean here. I mean it. All the petty shit washes away when you have something to truly care about whether it's a lover, a passion for painting, or a deep desire to write articles on the worst fuckers imaginable, engaging in your passions is super duper healthy and super duper hot.

For the fifth day of Christmas, I want a fucking castle. If you happen to be part of this city government or maybe the Department of Cultural Affairs, I demand the Castle On Ace Jones Drive and I will lead a thousand drunk white girls to war in order to attain my prize. if you provide me this, I will have the most raging social bangers known to man. if not, I'm stocking up the barrels of wine and mobilizing the Beckies. You have been warned.

And now for the other half of the Los Santos Vixen blog. She's usually behind the camera judging me and like generally is correct in all her judgments. I'd be shitting myself in a street in West Vinewood right now if not for her. Jenna, introduce yourself to the listeners and wish them a merry Chrysler.

Jenna Song: Well Vixen, I think you're being a little harsh on yourself. You are the one with a knack of finding news, but thank you all for listening tonight on this Crisis Day Eve. My name as you might have heard is Jenna Song and I only judge sometimes and not always through a lens. I owe a lot to the LS Vixen. Without her, I'd still be trying to figure out what to do after being kicked out of my beach house.

LS VIxen:  Oh man, I miss that beach house. It was super cute. Fuck the banks for seizing a property to give it to some random creepazoids who won't even use it except to fuck their barren wives. Super lame.

 

Jenna Song: I miss it too but you know what they say "You can't can't own property in Los Santos unless you work for a government agency" but it's fine I'm sure that property will go to some nice officer in the LSPD or Sheriff's Department. On to bigger and other things though, we are here in our studio recording our first official podcast. Exciting stuff!

LS Vixen: That's all for the inaugural episode of the Los Santos Vixen Podcast. If you've made it this far, you either have lost the will to live or you somehow enjoy what I do here. Either way it's a cause for concern and def requires a trip to your therapist. Remember, cuties, stay hot, stay safe, and most importantly of all stay tuned.

I love you to absolute bits.

Love me or hate me, just don't stop talking about me.

 

 XOXO, 




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DISCLAIMER

Spoiler

LS Vixen's (bitch ass) Disclaimer
 

The LS Vixen is a satire, parody, commentary, critique, news reporting and scholarly web publication, which may or may not use actual names often in quasi-real and/or fictitious narration. Any resemblance to the truth is purely coincidental, except for all references to politicians, celebrities and/or other personalities that are critiqued and/or commented upon, in which case they are based on real people, but still based almost entirely in fiction.


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Edited by Al-Malikah
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Kraethas

Kraethas

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Comment: Not everyone wants to hear about beef among friends on camera, or to watch guns being waved around as if they're nachos. Looking forward to the ways you'll use this new platform to amaze, like you have with your blog.

 

And I wish you get as many of your Wishes true, though I fear you have more chances of getting the Castle, than a functioning State Gov.

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