Search the Community

*A Clickable Banner Ad* ------------------------------ (Welcome to the LS Vixen Blog Mainpage <3) What is the LS Vixen? The LS Vixen is a registered media and entertainment blog that focuses on political satire, social commentary, and also reviews various businesses throughout Los Santos all the way up to Paleto Bay. In Los Santos, everyone has secrets. Sometimes those secrets are innocuous and hurt nobody. Other times, they are major breaches of the public's trust and controversial to the point of public interest. The LS Vixen is on the pulse of every rumour and hunts down the truth relentlessly delivering it to her audience with sharp wit, quick delivery, and well-sourced research. Satire has the societal function of taking the egotistic, the prideful, and the 'untouchable' back down to ground level. It keeps people honest, self-aware, and human. The LS Vixen is a non-partisan, equal-opportunity destroyer, and her focus is on both giving people an accurate and fun understanding of political realities, the nightlife and business landscape, and the cutting edge of social commentary. LS Vixen on Face Browser Click Here to Add the LS Vixen on Face Browser. LS Vixen in Other Media Purchase the Vixen's latest fiction Poetry Anthology Connecticut: Read an exclusive interview with the Los Santos Vixen herself in Diversify Vol. 7: Purchase the Vixen's fiction novel Ersatz (A Science Fiction Romance): LS Vixen Article Archive Los Santos Vixen Podcast A Vixen's Guide To Forgiveness and Letting Go To Communicating Clearly Without Fucking Up To Being Less Horny- Mad Media Review Vixen's Choice for LS Movie of the Year goes to C'est La Vie (2023) E01 'Fischer', the Los Santos Sitcom I Didn't Know I Needed Survey Says Can Popularity be Bought? A Face Browser Deep Dive Minors are Literally Dying in the Streets According to LEOs & Medical Responders. Is a Solution in Sight? Ask Vixen 'Halloween Hangover': How to Handle Exes, Nazis, and the Party Drought! Dining Reviews Marvelous Pastries & Toasty Coffee at "Vespaio Cafe" (4/5) Hyped UP & Hopped UP on "Vespucci Cool Beans" (5/5) Seaside Slurpin' on Beefy "Meatballs By The Sea" (4/5) Doing Lines and Eating Saltfish at "Morgue Hall Bar & Grill" (3/5) Club Reviews Chaotic Crowds and Vibrant Vertigo at 'Cloud Nine' (3/5) Biting the Bank Fee and Leaping Into 'The Vault' (4/5) Rave Perfection in the Underworld at 'The Crypt' (5/5) Shop Reviews Summoning the Season of the Witch at 'Seekers' (4/5) Bar Reviews Snagging a Street-Style Sugar Rush at "Lola's" (4/5) 'Pork Whistle' Liquored Me Up & Stole My Heart (5/5) Real Underground Cocktail Hours at 'The Republic' (4/5) Diving into Games at 'The Diving Board Pub' (3/5) Spiked Coffee, Flying Chairs, and Hot Dads at 'The Big Puffa' (4/5) Politics Guide Coleman Fund Donors Ranked by Susness Who the Hell are the Party Chairmen? Noah Wade's Shadow Senate Fails Vote in Actual Senate Which Senator is most likely to have six mistresses on rotation? A Street Interview with Jonathan Spencer Rumour Has It Hank Preston is on a Moral Crusade! Partygoer Drugged with Embalming Fluid at Diamond Resort Halloween Bash! Historical Archives 2020 2020 Mayoral Election Flash Coverage! Low Standards 2020: Your Guide to the Local Let-downs Post-Erection: The 'Winners'- Where are they now? Election Guide: What the Fuck is a Manjot Singh? In My Sights: Cover Charges Grapeseed Graphic Design Fail! Club Review: The Malibu fucking owns (5/5) Club Review: Hi-Five for 'Hi-Men' (5/5) Club Review: The Holy 'Trinity': Drinks, Dicks, and Diabetes. (4/5) Dining Review: Exclusively Packed, Noisy, and Sweaty Dining at "Nobu" [2/5] Dining Review: Vegetarian Glee at 'Lettuce Be' (4/5) Store Review: 'Pharaoh' didn't burn my fucking face off! (4/5)

A Vixen's Guide to LS Politics Show me the Money! Hey babes, today on the blog we'll be talking about The Coleman Fund a little. For those of you who don't know, the Deputy Mayor Frederick Coleman decided to start a fund dedicated to helping marginalized people and those who have been neglected by the actual government he Deputy Mayors over. Now, I'm a shady lady, sunshines, but I'm not so shady that I'll look a gift horse in the mouth. I think we can all agree that funding the underfunded parts of the city is objectively a good thing. however, with the way this charity manages to connect and link the major power players in the city? That is too tasty to ignore, baby-dolls! When extremely wealthy people give to a charity run by someone invested with major political power, they are making themselves known to them. They begin to foster feelings of mutual goodwill between them. They get an acknowledgement and a sense of respect in return. All acts of giving provide a kick-back of feel-good PR and there's nothing necessarily wrong with that, but my job as the LS Vixen is to poke around the people who are currying favor with our Deputy Mayor and sniffing out where they got their millions and what else do they get out of it? Politics Guide: Coleman Fund Gala Donors Ranked by Susness #4: Andrew Brandenburg - $1,000,000 (Andy Brandy back in the Vix!) Bottoming out at number four is Andrew Brandenburg whose donation to the Coleman Fund while substantial is the least sus of all. Andy Brandy is a State Senator and has made past donations to Davis High and other causes. He likes to hold press releases to gain delicious, delicious clout from his very high dollar donations, but honestly babes, if being an attention whore is shady then you can call my ass an Oak Tree with the amount of shade I generate on a daily basis. At best, this is a genuine act of touching altruism and, at worst, it's him simply supporting his own prominent party member's extra-curricular activities. I did my digging and didn't really find anything to suggest weird vibes or quid pro quo energy leaking from this. The most uncharitable view I could see this donation in is that with both a fully fledged State Senator and the Deputy Mayor making efforts outside of government to throw money at problems the government is not fixing, it simply raises the question of why these issues could not be addressed using the tax money we already provide them and accomplish these fantastic initiatives during their work hours. But I'm sure we'll get a fucking parade of excuses during election season so we'll sit on our thumbs till then! Moving on! #3: Edward Ulf - $1,000,000 (A broken man surrounded by cozy servers. Aww.) Here we have the wild Edward Ulf in his natural habitat which consists of a mess of desert-bound server rooms and online comment sections that he simply cannot pry himself from. Former Senator Ulf was a Democratic State Senator for a period of time and the grapevine generously informed me that he was a genuine change agent and an idealist desiring to right the wrongs of this city, one piece of legislation at a time. Unfortunately the interaction with the realities of Los Santos politics left him a broken and bitter man. The sour end of the grapevine also spoke in hushed whispers of a crypto-farm slash IT Company whose day-to-day operations were run in some capacity by an eighteen-year old lover and would send young employees making only commission into dangerous neighborhoods unguarded. Lovers and computers aside, those things just simply add an air of sus, but are at their core nothing terribly substantial. His donation to the fund could well have likely been an act of altruism consistent with his past as an idealist. What is curious is the deep faith he is putting into members of the opposing party to use that money appropriately and fairly. Either Edward Ulf has come a long way since the days of battling with the likes of the ill-mannered and tacky Raul Munoz or he's making nice with some new friends and cozying up for a potential grand re-entrance to the scene. Time will tell all. #2: Lucien Berjouhie - $3,000,000 (Lucien resting upon more money than any human could require) Lucien, oh, Lucien. Where do we begin? Lucien Berjouhie is a rather bearded Eastern-European businessman who scraped up from the smaller communities and built a gambling empire under Euro Corp. Frankly, this guy is as private as you'd actually expect the insanely wealthy to be up until this donation. There's a couple of angles we can examine here. First and foremost, the gambling angle. The gambling laws on the books haven't really been enforced by the government so it's not like he and his business are suffering deeply, but the structure does technically exist so that it could be enforced in the future. By dishing a substantial sum to the Deputy Mayor's pet project, he puts his name and interest in the mind of all the charming, wealthy, and powerful guests who hold political power and who might hold political power in the future. This could lower chances of those laws ever being put into effect or even inspire some legislators to weaken or dismantle them altogether. But let's say that's not the angle. Well, Euro Corp also does some construction work. When the Coleman Fund requires some contractors to build ping-pong game rooms over the ruins of demolished mosques, I'm going to be watching who they call on for that kind of work. If it's Euro Corp, there's a good shot our charming friend Lucien will receive his money back and then some. Finally, I'd be remiss not to add into the susness the fact that the Diamond Casino which is in part run by Lucien is rumoured to have some general involvement with some players in the criminal underworld. Of course these are just rumours and as I very much enjoy not being stuffed into a barrel and dropped in the ocean, I'll leave that there and we'll move onwards! #1: MINOTAUR - Thiago Athanas & Vaughn Karagiannis - $3,000,000 (Thiago Athanas prepares a fine meal at Minotaur; Vaughn Karagiannis pondering existence.) The entire reason this list exists is because the luxury restaurant Minotaur run by Thiago "Tavros" Athanas and whose money is managed by Vaughn Karagiannis was the first big money donor to the Coleman Fund and presented some... let's say... curiosities. Thiago went on a cozy mountain-top hike with Tamara Sage, the Director of Health and Human Services, and Frederick Coleman a couple of months ago. The hike was solid enough for him to come down the mountain with a million dollar check in hand for a charity that had a total of $145,000 bucks in the bank at the time. But hey, charity pitches have happened in weirder places, who am I to judge? Well, when the money is coming from a restaurant that has never opened, it makes a girl curious. I review dining establishments, darlings, so when I saw that the major donor was a restaurant that I nor anyone I know has ever eaten at, I grew curious and hungry! So I went to the website and found they are only open on Wednesdays and that Reservations are Closed. I continued to ask around if anyone had eaten there and all I received were blank stares. I bit the bullet and asked Thiago flat out and he confirmed the restaurant hasn't opened yet. So how does a restaurant with zero dollars in revenue make enough to donate $3,000,000 dollars? The answer is they don't. It was confirmed by both men that they were just filtering their personal funds through the restaurant. On the more optimistic side of the equation, I'd say they're angling for good advertising for their new restaurant. Given the money shuffle, I grew curious on where these men's personal fortunes came from and why the routing number dance. I asked Mr. Athanas if he'd explain a little on how his past work as a fusion restaurant chef and caterer earned him such a magnificent fortune. At first he indicated he'd rather not have the discussion via Face Browser chat (which is entirely fair). When I asked if he'd like to schedule an in person meeting he flat out said that unless I was an IRS Agent, it wasn't happening. Alas and alack, dear readers, I am not a member of the IRS (I do have a soul somewhere in this body of mine) and so my hunt had to end there. His finances linger as a dark forest for us to look at and simply wonder. Vaughn was far more transparent, indicating a series of ventures that culminated in lording over a nightclub. I think it's fair to say it's more or less clear where his contributions came from. We can cast a small side glance noting that Nightclubs and criminality aren't two mutually exclusive concepts in our city, however it would be uncharitable to forge that link in iron with Mr. Karagiannis at this time. Despite the money shuffle, I'm still technically still excited to try their food, provided this article doesn't earn me a perma-ban. Fingers crossed, babes. Honorable Mentions Josély María Rosélis Martínez - $25,000 (The former First Lady of Los Santos gazes lovingly at her best friends.) This honorable mention goes to Josély for hosting the event at her country club known as the GWC (short for Great Wealthy Circlejerk). She managed to host an event that on the surface focused on charitable works but served in large part to charitably brand her as Los Santos' own Mother-Theresa-in-Louboutins all without her ever having to actually interact with a poor person. You have to admire the finesse, babes! I'll also add that her Fundraiser was the key to the Coleman Fund being now at over 10 million in the green. If you ask me the Deputy Mayor and perhaps even the Republican Party could be seen as owing her a strong debt of gratitude. I'll be watching to see how she cashes that in. Gabe Stone & LSI - $250,000 (Gabe without the comfort blanket that is his bullet proof vest.) Look, I could goof on Gabe for wearing bulletproof vests to Church Bake Sales or I could just point at the big glaring issue. The Los Santos Insider attended the rich people circle jerk to cover the story of the Gala. Gabe even wrote an article about it that you can find using your own internet skills. The problem is Gabe and LSI decided to then financially involve themselves with the charity and thus placed themselves into this story. When people donate to a charity, as you can see above, their reputations become linked to the reputation of the charity. Now you might think, "But Vixen, surely this donation will not change the way they cover Coleman Fund related news stories?" Babe, it already has. Nowhere in their gala article where they spoke of its many donors did Gabe disclose his own and LSI's own financial link. We're not asking him to disclose whether or not he's tried to apply for membership at GWC and utterly failed. While that would explain some incentive to breach journalistic objectivity in order to impress a room full of people who decreed him 'not wealthy enough', it's ultimately beside the point. This honorable mention simply and concisely calls for transparency in media reporting and asks him to provide readers a clear understanding of vested interests. Easy peas. All in All Phew. That was a doozy, darlings. I am so glad you read this far. It makes me proud to have such a kind and easy-going audience. Even those I write about have been surprisingly great sports about me calling them douchebags or laughing at them for this and that. I really do want to thank every person who goes into making these articles possible. From my many informants, to my tried and true friends. and last but certainly not least, to those I write about, because if I didn't see their many many flaws, I would have nothing to write about. With respect to the Coleman Fund, while this article did focus on its use as a mechanism for linking high powered politicians with rich folks with mysterious interests and possibly ulterior motives, I do hope the money continues to be spent where people need it most. As of the writing of this article they've spent about a million dollars with a bulk of it going to a publically funded high school. My only worry is that throwing money at problems isn't necessarily the same as solving them and I want to see how these high powered politicians and private sector nerds actually leverage their power to address the root causes of poverty, of drug abuse, and of inequality. Till next time, DISCLAIMER >Comments are enabled!

The hottest tea, the spiciest gossip, the fiercest commentary and no fucking censorship. We are the Los Santos VIXEN. Hope you've been doing your kegels, babe. Letter from the editor: Sis, stop reading the story and BE the story. Submit your gossip to our handy and under-fucking-utilized gossip submission form. Chop chop. Also Like, Subscribe, Share, is this your first time online? Click HERE ! LSVIXEN XOXO ❤️ Bar Review: Spiked Coffee and Hot Dads at 'The Big Puffa' (4/5) ('The Big Puffa' on the Del Perro Pier) Rating: 💋💋💋💋 I'm going to level with you babes, I was real fucked up yesterday morning. I had stumbled off of a degrading flight from Connecticut, my seatmate wore a polyblend shirt that kept lightly touching my arm, and their breath smelled like tunafish. Worst of all, the fucking airline cut me off at four no-vermouth vodka martinis which is tantamount to a human rights violation. So when I tell you I was not feeling great coming into town, I'm telling you I was on the warpath. That is, until I decided to drop in for a morning pick-me-up at The Big Puffa before I paid some woman to wave crystals directly over my root chakra for forty five minutes. Location, location, location! 🎉 I've never been the type to weep at the sight of mountain ranges or dry heave at the sight of some Bob Ross painting come to life, but even in the deepest recesses of my cold dead heart, getting to see the vast ocean while going to get trashed puts things in perspective. The location is unique, singular, and refreshing. Be sure to wear a hair tie outside though because it will royally fuck any blowout you might have gotten earlier that day. Small price to pay for a dose of perspective before you dose yourself in their bathroom. (Honestly, fucking sick turnout for a morning crowd.) Athleisure, Khakis, and Sports Jerseys ! 🎽 Don't wear your best here, it'd make you seem stuffy and unapproachable. There wasn't a cover which is major ups from me and the door policy was open-for-all. If you're hitting the Big Puffa, just like... drop in. The bartender was wearing a full on rat mask. I called them Rat-tender. Who are you trying to impress? Seriously though, the vibes are a nice mix. I flirted with a hot dude I'll just call 'Dad Package' for anonymities sake, I witnessed a full ass chair being thrown at the Rat-tender. Slay. Some reviewers might dock a rating point for the whole "near violence" vibe, but after going to your sixtieth Tokyo Air Bar where the patrons are all Ketamined out ragdolls, it's refreshing to have a little action amping up the effects of the drinks. Speaking of... (An event stage with probably fake blood on it. Probably.) Judgement Free Booze from the Rat-tender! 🐀 It was like eight AM and all I said to the bartender was, "Can you spike some coffee for me?" I didn't get questioned as to why, I didn't get any nasty looks, I just got a cup full of sanity and hot coffee. Simple, punchy, and got me loose enough to let some Guyanese woman beat me with palm leaves later that day. I am a simple woman, I have simple needs. The Rat-tender and The Big Puffa satisfied those needs... for the most part! Which takes us to where I'm taking a point off. Don't feel bad. Nobody makes it out of the Vixen's reviews without a little real critique. The prices were also pretty solid, so you won't go bankrupt getting shitblasted. Feed me? Maybe not? Is that real blood? 🍲 Yes, I fucking know it's Halloween. Bear with me. So here's the scene that adds up to one kiss knocked off the rating. I'm getting a drink. A chair flies at the bartender. I'm flirting with a hot guy and networking. I get hungry. I look at the Rat-tender, I stroll to the kitchen, I see blood on the floor and a closed kitchen sign. The closed kitchen when I was mondo hungry is enough alone to knock a rating off, but combine the blood's proximity to both the flying chair and the rat energy and I considered not eating the food to be a mixed blessing. Pier food has always had a reputation for being made of 90 percent grease and horse hair so like... Maybe I dodged a bullet? ALL IN ALL What can I say, sunshines? It was a blast. I definitely want to come back for more spiked drinks and to watch the hi-jinks, but I also want to try their food next time their kitchen's open. If they avoid the grease trap, they may just earn that final kiss from the Los Santos Vixen. The stage is also an encouraging sign that they may hold really tragic local comedians, karaoke, or some hokey Halloween events. We love to see it. Either way, I"m done with this review, I've got to go take a Big Puffa something green and lay out on the beach. DISCLAIMER >Comments are enabled!

A Vixen's Guide to LS Politics This shit makes me deeply nauseous, but I do it for you all. I'm goddamned Mother Theresa. Woah, you actually clicked on an article regarding politics. Weird. You must be on either a self-torture kick or on a whooole lot of weed. Either way, I'll try to make this painless and help you through this difficult time. So I'm acclimating to the vibe here in Los Santos. Sunny, beautiful San Andreas has so much to offer. Big beaches, big bitches, beautiful bars with beautiful people, an endless array of fun activities and new friends to meet. And it also has political parties where grown adults form a circle and take turns doing eachother. Sometimes in full view of the public, sometimes in board rooms. Good for them, as long as they aren't killing anyone, dismembering the bodies, and spreading it strategically throughout Los Santos many dumpsters. Recently, there was a schism between some senile man and the Republican Party. Go figure. One dark and stormy night, I spoke with my million-dollar AI executive, Gertrude, and she told me exactly where to find the man himself for a juicy juicy interview. Here is the transcript. Enjoy babes. A Street Interview with Jonathan Spencer (Jonathan Spencer, a normal and okay guy.) And there you have it, folks. Some say the LS Vixen is all about scathing reviews of nightclubs and bars, but we're actually super deep and totally care about politics. Keep it cute, babes. DISCLAIMER >Comments are enabled!

The hottest tea, the spiciest gossip, the fiercest commentary and no fucking censorship. We are the Los Santos VIXEN. Buckle your seat-belts, fuckers. Letter from that bitch editor: The last article was a resounding success, my little fornicators! But I'm going to need your help if this Vixen is going to go anywhere near getting the sort of dirt you all crave. I need you send in your best, hottest, juiciest, raunchiest, saltiest info to me directly at [email protected] ((PM me)) with [LSVIXEN] in the header. If you give me some good stuff, you can bet your sweet ass it'll end up here where it'll shine bright for all to see. Also Like, Subscribe, Share, is this your first time online? https://face.gta.world/pages/LSVIXEN KISS KISS XOXO ❤️ What the Fuck is a Manjot Singh? Alright bitches, here's what's going to go down. I've been inundated with requests for hot gossip about the slate of assholes who are running for higher office. Here's the big fucking problem with that dandy little idea. Nobody know who the fuck they are. But fear not, faithful fornicators, the LS Vixen is here with our exclusive election guide. We're going to ask regular every day Los Santans exactly to tell us exactly who these people are and what they know about them solely from their picture! Let's start with our favorite North District no-show: MANJOT SINGH! (Is this Manjot Singh? Who knows. Could be? I googled his name, this is what I got!) Imma be real with you now, I've gotta level with you here. Nobody has seen this dude. Like you'd think as a candidate for office he might, y'know show up... in a place.. so people can figure out who he is and maybe ask the man a question, but turns out his strategy seems to be "Remain democrat, avoid human contact." And to be honest, that makes for a really boring article. So let's throw some ideas around! Did he kill his wife in 1982 and hide her body in the Vinewood Hills never to be found again? NO. And I say that in ALL CAPITAL LETTERS because that would be interesting and sort of mysterious and give some insight into his character and yet... all we've got is a big ole' question mark. Did he invent the Toaster Strudel? This is a possibility but we will never know because he, much like big-foot, has never been documented on camera. What about his opponent? Look. I'm not a real big fan of most politicians and I'm def not a Republican because frankly it's not a cute look and I'm not into the Red and dread of it all.. but what I'll say is that the dude is actually physically going door to door and talking to people, which is... y'know, doing the bare minimum. I'm not gonna shout the dude out because I will only ever THRASH a bitch on this blog and never promote a hoe no matter how deserving. CONSIDER THIS FAIR WARNING TO LS CANDIDATES. DO FUCKING BETTER. A new bitch ass Disclaimer is now below cause my lawyer is a huuuuge bitch. But I still love ya though ? -> Comments are enabled Remember to answer the latest FB poll for this vibe sesh: "Who the hell are these people running for office?" LIKE SHARE AND SUBSCRIBE, motherfuckers!