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A Vixen's Guide to LS Politics Hey babes, here's that transcript of my exclusive interview with Northern Candidate, Democrat David Wu, on LS Vixen Live. Thank you so much to everyone who tuned in and to those who didn't, you'll have to imagine me saying these questions with an eerily calm voice and killer timing and delivery. Politics Guide: David-Wu Inter-view, it rhymes! Transcript DISCLAIMER >Comments are enabled!

A Vixen's Guide to LS Politics A Man, A Plan, A Canal, PANAMA! Hey cuties! As always my goal here in these LS Vixen Politics Guides isn't to jerk off this or that member of our ruling elite, but to boil it down and make it somewhat fun and less mind-numbing to look in on. All of the opinions depicted below are entirely my own and not the opinions of LSNN as a whole and anyone telling you otherwise is a filthy fucking liar and probably shits themselves on a regular basis. Today we're going to be digging in deep on a few angles in our fucked up political system. This baby's got it all. We've got rampant incompetence, we've got politicians feigning senility and illness, we've got deep freeze pods, we've got a Shadow Senate's of unelected officials, and we've got BIPARTISAN drama, which is WAY MORE FUCKING EXCITING than the standard Red/Blue bonkfest we usually see. God it's boring when they do that. With city council elections coming up, it's super important to keep an eye on the fuckery when it happens. To give newbies to politics some idea of who the main characters in this story are before we get into it here's the run down: Politics Guide: Noah Wade's Shadow Senate Fails Vote in Actual Senate (Lieutenant Governor Noah Wade mourning the loss of his Shadow Senate) So babes, we're going deep into our political system today. All I'm gonna say is if you stick along for the ride, I'll be both impressed with you and shocked at your levels of self-masochistic glory. So you know how the Senate's whole jam is to create laws and fix shitty ones, then slap it over to the Executive Daddies to sign into effect? Well, rumour has it, Noah Wade really really really wants them to write whatever laws he wants and edit out whatever laws he doesn't vibe with. Luckily for Noah, his party has a full ass majority of 5 to 2 on the other party (Remember, Seth Andrews is basically in their squad.). So at this point in his tenure as Lieutenant Governor, Wadey thought he would have knocked out WAY more legislation, reshaping the city in his hairy image, and generally completing his vision for his capitalistic lumberjack death penalty utopia or whatever. Unluckily for Noah, he has not had such luck and it's due to one thing. The Deep Freeze. (The possible Deep Freeze Pods under the Senate Floor.) The Deep Freeze Let's say you're a boss and you have employees that have to go to a certain agreed upon place at a certain agreed upon time to do certain agreed upon tasks. Now imagine that approximately half the time they do not go to the certain agreed upon place and they certainly do not do it at the certain agreed up on times to do what the fuck they are literally paid to do. Congratulations, you are actually that fucking boss. We are the bosses for our elected officials, not the other way around and the names listed above with a fucking teal star NEVER FUCKING COME TO WORK. That said, I am an optimist. So instead of me assuming the worst, that they may be simply taking paychecks and skirting responsibility while kayaking or some shit, I am going to be reasonable and assume they are pursuing eternal life through subterranean freeze pods. I think that's entirely reasonable. Now unfortunately for Noah whenever he wants something proposed and passed, the most likely combination of dudes who come to work are two democrats and two republicans. Thus during these sessions when he needs something passed, he has to feverishly press the THAW button located under his desk over and over and over, hoping and praying one of them thaws out fast enough to make it into the room and overrule the dastardly democrats. (Rossi attempting to recover from disappointing Papa Wade.) The Shadow Senate Plan and it's Fucking Failure It turns out Senators who are currently in Deep Freeze are shit at crafting and passing legislation at a rate that's reasonable. Something involving the ice slowing cognitive function perhaps. Either way Rossi and Wade needed a solve, they needed something to streamline things. You see the actual elected Senate is supposed to draft legislation, talk to expert dorks about law, and then vote on that for Wade and Hanky-Panky to execute. They've got this whole boringly named Committee called the Committee for Judicial Review whose entire job is to basically call on nerds to give their hot take on this or that issue, this or that law, and this or that proposal and push recommendations towards the main Senate body. The problem is that committee has some of the Deep Freezers in it so while they might be able to thaw quick enough to vote things in at a Senate Floor vote sometimes, getting them to thaw for committee stuff is a real bitch. So 'Rossi's' plan was to set up a bit of a separate committee, called the Committee for Law Revision and instead of having it filled with elected officials who are supposed to represent our needs, he decided to have it filled with hand-picked un-elected appointments by Noah Wade reflecting the desires of Noah Wade. This Committee would be able to push laws towards the Senate without approval of people we actually fucking elected and then Noah Wade could just mass resurrect whichever member of the Deep Freezers he needed to ram it through to his desk. They rammed this shit through the Committee after thawing out Truman Stein long enough for him to do what his daddy wanted, but Noah Wade had to pretend to be both senile, deaf, and sick in order to stall the committee long enough for him to remove the icicles from his skin and get his ass upstairs. Noah, you are not an excellent actor. Please stick to your day job. Everyone in the room knew what you were doing. It was not subtle in the slightest. Adrian Rossi told the LS Vixen that there is no legislative agenda to this and thus implied that he is indeed just a small bean, a cute widdle guy, and had only the best intentions for trying to give Noah Wade immense power over the legislative schedule and calendar. Maybe he'll comment with some PR gloss up for us to go brain dead reading. Maybe he won't. Who knows? This isn't a Blue Versus Red jerk-fest. Garcia and Brandenburg and Jones are in bipartisan alignment that this was a fucked up tactic to invest the executive branch with waaaaaay more power than it deserves or needs. I'm not a simp for the Dems, I'm not a simp for the Reds. I'm just a blogger and a San Andrean and I find the entirety of this to be insulting. We're not fucking stupid, dickheads. I'm going to make this overwhelmingly clear. If you play little shady games in the private sector, fine. Whatever. It's behind closed doors, it's hard to see, and there's a lot more to insulate you. I don't like it but I get the tactic. Playing this type of game out in the open is deeply, and I cannot stress this enough, deeply embarrassing and shameless. Say what you need to say to make yourselves feel better about this disaster-piece of a plan, but understand that San Andreas has a long memory and so do I. I dare you to try this again when you think we've forgotten. And Noah, if you're reading. The solution here isn't to connive with Rossi to conjure up a new Committee. We don't need another fucking committee. Nobody needs another committee. The solution here is to have people elected who will actually attend to their duties. The legislative band aid isn't going to cut it. Investing yourself with more power isn't going to cut it. A law that states that Deep Freeze motherfuckers have to come to do their job or else they get a review by the ethics committee and some snap-elections for abandoning their duties? That might motivate some freeze pods to thaw real fast. --- And that's all for todays wrap up. If you're one of the sorely embarrassed parties, I encourage you to comment below your preferred spin on the story below. Remember, the more mental gymnastics you ask us to do, the more we'll laugh at you. Keep it cute, babes, XOXO DISCLAIMER >Comments are enabled!

A Vixen's Guide to LS Politics Who's Next on the Chopping Block?! As election season ramps up you can expect more of these articles. I think as much as politics can be a real snooze fest, I believe in the power to make it readable, interesting and exciting using only sheer rage, shadiness, and profound psychosexual arousal gained from airing out the shadier qualities of those I write about. But I do not do this solely for my own sick gratification. No, dear readers, I do this for you. The more we know about these people, the less they are able to operate behind the scenes and the less they're able to get away with wasting our money on sky-diving stunts and helicopter sex-games. Without further ado... Politics Guide: Who the Hell Are the Party Chairmen? First things first. Let me tell you what a "Party Chairman" is, because against all odds it's not just a very literal way of referring to a drunk man sleeping in the corner at a house party. So this city has two parties and one pipedream. We have the Republicans, the Democrats, and the "Conservatives". The last one of these doesn't really exist outside of the hallucinations of an elderly man so I won't really be covering that. However the first two are political parties that purport to have different ideals, goals for what they do with the power their given, and very different styles in abusing it. We love to see diversity. A "Party Chairman" basically looks for schmucks throughout the city, identifies whether they'll do whatever the party says, sees if they'll fit in a suit, and slaps them up as a candidate for you to vote for. Sometimes this works out dandy and we end up with a hard worker in office. Most of the time however it's as satisfying as a one night stand with an unattractive gas station attendant. Either way these Party Chairman are supposed to represent the ultimate mega forms of their party. The Mega-Democrat, the Giga-Republican. Let us BEHOLD THEIR GLORY! Nikos "The Living Crash Test Dummy" Karagiorgis The Democratic Party Chairman (They say he has to wheel around an Morphine Drip.) Meet our first schmuck of the day. Nikos is a severely Greek individual who enjoys slathering his body in olive oil, sweltering under the San Andreas Sun, and gorging himself on cheese and olives in the pleasure palace he calls "Pacific Bluffs". When he's not sucking up to wealthy douchebags at the resort he manages, he enjoys getting into every single physical injury known to modern medical science. In the past month alone, Mr. Karagiorgis has been subject to a motorcycle accident, a three-alarm fire, and a house intrusion that collectively has left him a broken, lightly traumatized, and shattered man. One might think having such jarring experiences would inform him of the value and sanctity of his life, especially as he enters election season, but I have been reliably informed he also engaged in sky-diving shortly after. I want to say it's shocking to see a Democrat not learn from past errors, but they're kind of known for watching the same problems happen over and over again and flouncing their hands with a "How could this have happened again?!". Maybe this last shock to the system will help the whole bunch. Probably not. Whether all of this is the result of a mid-life crisis or whether it is a subtle ploy to become so injured that he conveniently enters a coma before the race begins, none can really say for certain. But with the current advances in medical science, we can probably expect future statements from this Democratic Party Chairman to be typed out via subtle eye movements and spoken through a Text-To-Speech system. Non-Existent Entity The Republican Party Chair (You might think this is an empty chair. You would be correct.) Yeah so to the surprise of nobody, they don't have a chairman. There's a few angles here that actually make this non-existent entity a really solid representation of the party and thus, ironically, makes for an excellent Chairman. So on the up-side, I want to laud Republicans on their consistency. Rumour has it, a lot of the recent problems in the Senate have come from their Senators never actually being seen in their Districts and I think that this sort of avante garde artistic choice to have a vacant chair is an accurate representation of how they've appeared to constituents in K-Town or the East District. (Read: Not at all) They vacated the chair after the last chairman began to crusade against the gays or whatever. Honestly, babes, I'm torn. If they fill the chair, it'll be some schmuck in power which would at least give me something to work with here. But if they don't, they're showing great consistency by neglecting another of their crucial duties. I'm unsure if this is a win/win or a lose/lose. I think I just want a mimosa and move on. Frank O'Shea The Republican Party Vice Chairman (Oh Christ... really?) So I felt it might not have been entirely fair to roast an empty chair so I guess, uh, yeah... Frank will do. Frank O'Shea is the husband of Branch Goodwater, one of the Senators whose activity in district is limited (but to my personal observation is growing more frequent). Frank used to be a Doctor but soon got very tired of helping people and decided to marry a wealthy cop sugar daddy and really dive head first into that whole Log Cabin Republican lifestyle. Look, uh, I'm doing my best here. I think the most I could squeeze on this guy is that he landed his helicopter in a golf course which is weird considering his husband was put up on and settled away some charges of doing the same thing in their back yard. While they informed me that Frank's golf course landing was due to engine trouble, I think the pattern reliably suggests some elaborate helicopter based sex game I want nothing to do with. Although I am proud of their creativity and venture into exhibitionism. Slay. Him and his husband also wear matching holiday sweaters. It's cute in a way that makes me want to take a drill to my head. They also have this sort of third guy they drag along to bars. Some rendition of a Canadian petroleum pipeline lobbyist? Maybe not a lobbyist? Maybe a third? Not my circus, not my clowns. ALL IN ALL Oof,, there you have it. Woo-hoo.. Seriously though, if we want to improve this whole schmuckfest we really need normal and reasonably sane people to run for office. If you have four brain cells, can put a suit on, and genuinely give a shit about your neighbors. Contact one of these assholes and try to replace them someday. You really really really don't need to have direct government experience. I mean, Christ, just look at these guys. XOXO, DISCLAIMER >Comments are enabled!