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The hottest tea, the spiciest gossip, the fiercest commentary and no fucking censorship. We are the Los Santos VIXEN. Hope you've been doing your kegels, babe. Letter from the editor: Sis, stop reading the story and BE the story. Submit your gossip to our handy and under-fucking-utilized gossip submission form. Chop chop. Also Like, Subscribe, Share, is this your first time online? Click HERE ! LSVIXEN XOXO ❤️ Bar Review: Snagging a Street-Style Sugar Rush at "Lola's" (4/5) (Located in Vespucci. Photocred: Jenna Song) Rating: 💋💋💋💋 Find out what Four Kisses means here. Life in Los Santos is very similar to the experience of a Sour Patch kid (or the infinitely superior Warheads that can remove a layer of skin from your tongue if you eat too many. Don't ask how I know that.) It starts out sour and then it sometimes ends up sweet. It was a chilly winter day when we had our brief allowance of snow from the weather gods when I saw a beacon in Vespucci. No, it wasn't a skinhead bar. No, it wasn't a skate shop. Alas it would be a sweet surprise in it's own unique way. I entered from the winter chill into Lolas and life was sweet. Ho-ly shit. Decorated to perfection, on brand, ON BRAND, ON. BRAND. 🛹 (The space is maximalist street-style with a candy coating. Photocred: Jenna Song ) First off, we're in Vespucci. A former cultural powerhouse for street style, skateboarding culture, and the laid back art scene. Sure it's seen better days, but Loia's reminds of what those better days actually look like. It's a maximalist street style that's raw, authentic, and most importantly playful. The mixture of a candy shop and street-style is so bonkers to me in the best way possible. Let's be very real here, it's a fucking risk to theme your place out with a unique style, it's high risk and high reward but also majorly bad consequences if the theme is too abstract or not executed well enough. High risk. High reward. This is me rewarding whoever designed Lola's because it is sickening in the best way. You can sit on a toxic waste container and suck on a lollypop while sipping a cocktail and isn't that what Los Santos is all about. Aww. ARCADE! ARCADE! And plenty of varied seating for all KINDS OF GROUPS! 🤖 (FUN CORNERS! COZY CORNERS! YES! Photocred: Jenna Song) So once you walked in and got visually stunned, the practicality of the place begins to shine. The line moves fast, the drinks are made to order (and we'll get those in our final section) and there is no shortage of things to do! I am a fucking nerd, babes, let me let that cat out of the bag. When I saw the Arcade I made a noise that was unnatural and extremely born from excitement. Me and Jenna played Tekken and I WON which I will partially credit to Lolas bar for giving me the atmosphere and the sugar rush I needed to reign victorious over a difficult opponent. The seating is super ideal ranging from sit-along benches along the center-piece, two seater high-tops for dates, and of course the huddly spaces for groups of nerds. Each booth has it's own candy machine of course. I wouldn't expect anything less. And now.... for the SUGAAAAR-RUSSSSSH! 🍨 (Lola worked the day we went and served up signature cocktails! Photocred: Jenna Song) Now we get to the menu of signature cocktails. This will not be a surprise at all to anyone but the signature cocktails are sweet and sugary. There's a Bubblegum Pina Colada, there's one with an entire chocolate bar in it! This is basically a dream if you have a sweet-tooth, and I absolutely do. BUT, Oh... no... is that a but, yes it is a but. As much as I ADORE sweets, there is such thing as too much of a good thing. The only area preventing me from giving this a final kiss is for the signature cocktails to expand a little to include some other flavor profiles. They can still be dessert-y, for example, an Espresso Martini with Dark Chocolate Mocha elements would be a sort of bitter, refined sweetness. Perhaps a Salted Caramel and Baileys moment might also deepen some of these really cool flavor concoctions. Again, this is not a problem by any stretch of the imagination. This is an area where really cool exploration and growth can happen and I know it's possible because of the excellence this spot is hitting in all other areas. ALL IN ALL The Vixen's a tricky sort babes. When you impress me, my bar rises to meet what I'm seeing. I am so happy to see a place in Vespucci beach of all places meet my standards in so many areas. Could it use a small expansion to the signature cocktails menu? Sure, whatever. Is it a fucking fun place to go and have a unique drink and kick your friends ass in an arcade game? Fuck yes. Finally, any place that replaces a former skinhead storefront is a place that I am happy to provide my money towards. Good work Lola, sweet place! XOXO, DISCLAIMER >Comments are enabled!

The hottest tea, the spiciest gossip, the fiercest commentary and no fucking censorship. We are the Los Santos VIXEN. Hope you've been doing your kegels, babe. Letter from the editor: Sis, stop reading the story and BE the story. Submit your gossip to our handy and under-fucking-utilized gossip submission form. Chop chop. Also Like, Subscribe, Share, is this your first time online? Click HERE ! LSVIXEN XOXO ❤️ Bar Review: 'Pork Whistle' Liquored Me Up & Stole My Heart (5/5) (Located on Baytree Canyon Road in Great Chaparral) Rating: 💋💋💋 💋💋 Find out what FIVE Kisses means here. It's been a looooong fucking week, babes. I survived a life threatening structural fire, I bought a pink convertible, I endured a bout of depression, I solidified some powerful friendships, and introduced myself to some lovely new humans as well. Mixed fucking bag if I ever saw one. On one of these post-fire nights, one of my girlies noted that 'Pork Whistle' was open in Great Chaparral. To say I was enthused to enter Blaine County while already anxious was an understatement. I had done an article that included some neo-Nazi douchebaggery before and I was a little hesitant to head north as a result, but when I put trust in the girlies, I put all my trust in the girlies. So I found my most flannel shirt, put one some wireframe glasses, and hitched my pantaloons up for a wild ride at Pork Whistle. Well, Slap My Ass and Call Me Susan, the Décor wasn't a fucking bore! 🤠 (Fucking excellent seating and décor choices captured by my favorite photojournalist, Jenna Song) So I go to a lot of bars and nightclubs and restaurants. Sleek modern design here, sleek modern design there. So sleek, so smooth, so modern and slippery. So grey and navy with a pop of neon. I feel like I live inside an iPhone Design Studio and I cannot get away from the modern edgy flourishes. Yawn. That said, when I walked into Pork Whistle, nothing here could be described as fucking sleek or slippery, modern or edgy. It was all wooden and cedary and splintery. This is exactly what I had wished for when I was entering a fucking barn. I am a simple woman. I see a barn. I choose to enter a barn. I want a fucking barn experience. Babes, I got the full barn experience. My back hoe* was aching by the end of this adventure because I was rocking in those awesome rocking chairs for so long. FUCK YEAH! *(I do not know what a back hoe is) First Floor, I adore! 🥰 (The first floor of this three story barn eleganza extravaganza, including godly waitstaff.) Now if you've been following my past reviews there's two things that really make or break an establishment from a five kiss rating. One is when they're understaffed and the line builds up to terminal degrees and the second is when the structure of a place doesn't flow and it doesn't permit customers and staff to easily work their way from bar to perching place with ease. There was no fucking problems babe. Between Blondie Adriel and Scarlet Harlot Ella, pictured above, me and my band of ne'er-do-wells were fit as a fucking fiddle. I was on a liquid diet that day which is why this is a BAR review and not a DINING review. I had the signature Pork Whistle Whiskey which was spiced in just the right way to make my eyes tear up and my nipples turn into little diamonds. I could have seriously harmed someone. It was great. I will say my buddies got the Firecracker Burgers and they looked like the perfect thing to devour after six shots of Pork Whistle Whiskey. Fun and games in the Hayloft! 🐷 (Pictured above, fun, games, and a nearly-hostile vaguely European man.) I did a little exploring once the Whiskey got me loose as a goose. I rocked in the rustic rocking chairs, wandered the wooden corridors to the stairs and i found a perfectly lovely pool table and a bean-bag nook for hanging out in and getting cozy this winter. I strolled and found more large fun barn things, and I took in the view of the bottom floor from this lovely perch. A vaguely European man defensively asked why I was taking pictures of the bar. The track suit and accent combo really clocked him as Eastern European. If you see him in this wide world. Give him a hug. What a sweetheart. A widdle fearful of da reviewer. Daww... Seriously, this place is a fun corn-maze of little features. For example there is a MYSTERIOUS THIRD FLOOR which I COULD NOT ACCESS! Thus I am forced to assume it's a secret speakeasy or a place where they keep particularly limber horses that are able to scale and de-scale thin attic stairs. Either that or dead bodies. So many dead bodies. Who knows? I found a HUSBAND! 😍 (Look at him and me. So strong. So resolute. Always watching out.) As you well know, dating in Los Santos is a crapshoot. You either get guys who are trying to get into your pants through really questionable and shitty avenues. (Asking for my number at a gas station is not attractive, ganging up on me with your friends makes me think you're a hivemind) or guys who are genuinely sweet and kind but can't seem to understand that one of the hottest qualities in a person is their passion and drive. I am proud to announce I have found my forever husband. We will be going to Mallorca to consummate our impending marriage. Let me just zoom in our lad here... God why is that weirdo in the way... (So dreamy) I know we share a forbidden love. But you must understand that Jerry the Vulture was watching me, bobbing his head respectfully, and made some excellent song recommendations for the currently broken soon-to-not-be-broken jukebox. He also didn't ask for my number which showed a lot of confidence. His plumage was well-tended. He takes his job as the guardian of Pork Whistle super seriously which is so hot. I love a guy with a passion that exists outside the realm of impressing me and earning my love as though I'm a prize at Charles Entertainment Cheese's establishment. Plus, his eyes are just red and beady which really exudes passion for his career choice and possibly for me. Jerry. I'll be back for you my sweet. And we will dance to The Gambler and the Dixie Chicks. And I will finally try a full Firecracker Burger looking deeply into your red lightbulb eyes. ALL IN ALL Babes! I had fun. What can I say really? The prices were fair. The drinks were good. The bartenders, golden goddesses. The owner, a complete sweetie pie. The décor, a fuckin' refreshing banger. Pork Whistle is a fucking hoot. And of course, the vulture who stole my heart... Jerry... JERRY! XOXO, DISCLAIMER >Comments are enabled!

The hottest tea, the spiciest gossip, the fiercest commentary and no fucking censorship. We are the Los Santos VIXEN. Hope you've been doing your kegels, babe. Letter from the editor: Sis, stop reading the story and BE the story. Submit your gossip to our handy and under-fucking-utilized gossip submission form. Chop chop. Also Like, Subscribe, Share, is this your first time online? Click HERE ! LSVIXEN XOXO ❤️ Bar Review: Real Underground Cocktail Hours at 'The Republic' (4/5) ('The Republic' in Morningwood) Rating: 💋💋💋 💋 Curious about the rating scale and what it means? Read more HERE As much as I adore a beer in a divey pub like at The Diving Board Pub, I am still hopelessly and always going to be that bitch with the martini. In pursuit of this, I meandered the streets looking for something suitably low key but one notch up on the classy scale. My travels took me far and wide. I was imperiled when I accidentally knocked over a homeless ladies baby stroller only to find what poured out was not an injured baby but, like fifty, cans of Bush's Baked Beans in varying stages of botulistic denting. Running for my life, I found myself a refuge... A refuge called The Republic. Descend into the Underworld! 🖤 (The descent into 'The Republic' has such vibes.) One thing I adore that goes way underrated is how you enter a bar, a club, or a bogus court case suing you for disorderly conduct in an airplane. You can stroll in screaming, hooping, hollering, or you can pop a Xanax and enter a calm and cool demeanor. The Republic had a coat check area and a sign in space unmanned due to it just being a regular night and a set of stairs that delved you red and ready into its undercroft. This, too, is an after work drink spot, but it's for a different kind of worker which we'll get to later in the review. The descent sets your mind apart from the above-ground world and those above-ground problems. I personally really like this type of bar set-up for that very reason. Call me John Wilkes Booth because I'm... well.. Uh... into Booths I guess... 👉👈 (Private booth seating for when the world is just a little too much.) One of the main features here are the private booths that line the walls. They're structured perfectly so that if you and the girlies or the boys don't want to lurk around the bar-counter for small talk, you absolutely do not have to. It's also primo for people watching and they're all decorated super tastefully. The tables are in-fact actually tables and the seats are super comfy. Love to see it. A lot of the time you'll see these types of features not exactly being used by patrons but in this bar there was a good split between the booths and the bar counter as shown in the next section! The vibe is giving surly Eastern European dudes and white collar after work crowd! 😎 (The crowd and vibes, babes. Always good to take a peek!) So basically the vibe was basically a bunch of hot Eastern European types both behind the bar and in the crowd annnnnd a bunch of, like, white collar local workers who def were there for a post-work cocktail. I'd recommend wearing upscale clothes or something that screams 'I'm trapped in an office most of the day' if you want to fit in. I personally loved it. The dudes were hot and the bartender was a sweetheart. People were distributed super evenly between the booths and the bar proving the efficacy of having solid seating and private spaces melded together with the usual communal bar moment. I didn't snap a picture, but there's also a DJ booth which means that it probably does turn the fuck up on weekends and whatnots. Def gonna drop by during their turnt moments. One teeeeensy weensy thing that is totally not a super-big deal, but worth mentioning. I ordered a Dirty Vodka Martini because I love them and it feels like I'm being healthy even when I'm most definitely not being healthy. The martini I got unfortunately didn't have any olive brine in it, but it did have bitters and dry vermouth of course as well as some really fucking good Vodka. And it was $200 fucking dollars which was the same price as the Corona at The Diving Board Pub. I'm left with a mixed feeling. The martini was fucking great and it wasn't crazy expensive, but it was made slightly wrong. And that's okay babes, we all make whoopsies. If this whoopsy had cost me $400 bucks I'd probably have Karened out, but I had zero need because I was in a chill environment, with a good drink, for a good price, with some good music playing. ALL IN ALL A genuinely super cute spot. Nice underground vibes with well-priced cocktails, a surly and handsome crowd, a sick DJ set up, and booths for days. All because I fled a woman wielding a can-opener. Glorious, babes. Glorious. Los Santos is such a vibe, isn't it? XOXO DISCLAIMER >Comments are enabled!

The hottest tea, the spiciest gossip, the fiercest commentary and no fucking censorship. We are the Los Santos VIXEN. Hope you've been doing your kegels, babe. Letter from the editor: Sis, stop reading the story and BE the story. Submit your gossip to our handy and under-fucking-utilized gossip submission form. Chop chop. Also Like, Subscribe, Share, is this your first time online? Click HERE ! LSVIXEN XOXO ❤️ Bar Review: Diving into Games at 'The Diving Board Pub' (3/5) (Located under the Del Perro Pier) Rating: 💋💋💋 Curious about the rating scale and what it means? Read more HERE Soooo babes, I totally got a day job, but fear not. It does not mean I'm abandoning my tireless mission of serving you up the hottest reviews, gossip, and spicy spots to get nasty. On the contrary, cuties, I'm now just like you. A working stiff. A nine-to-fiver. So after a hard days work I wanted nothing more than a cold beer and chill vibes. That's when I found this little spot nestled underneath the Del Perro Pier. Here's my review of The Diving Board Pub. Enjoy! A platform for local bands? Sweet! 🎸 (The entrance on the right is right next to the stage and jukebox.) The first, first, first thing you notice when you walk in is the stage to the right of the entrance. Immediately my mind filled up with images of cute old retirees forming cover bands for bands like Phish or local college students cutting their teeth on some original material for the first time at this unassuming locale. A more pretentious version of me would be off-put by untested bands in a dive bar, but Los Santos has changed me, babes. I love the idea that performers can express themselves in such a warm and cozy environment. I like this and I'll be keeping an eye out for local performances. Arcade machines and makeshift tables. 👁️‍🗨️ (A view of the arcade machines and 'creative' table setups.) We'll get to more fun and games later, but for starters, I love arcade games and can get kinda sucked in, so I was happy to see these to the left of the entrance when I walked in. My only teensy weensy anxiety was that as a clumsy gal, a real clonker, a bumper and a booper, a disorientation express if you will the barrel/pallet combo tables get me nervous that I'm gonna knock stuff over. Also I was nervous I'd get splinters. I don't know if this is an aesthetic choice or if the owner's are going through a tough time financially but I'm totally down to donate some sturdy wooden tables. If only to prevent my dummy thicc and clumsy ass from knocking them over while jamming out to the classic rock streaming from the speakers. The drinks, crowd, and the main bar! 💿 (The main floor of The Diving Board Pub.) After work crowd alert! It's the usual mix of blue collar workers, leather jackety dudes, and nice locals all trying to mellow out after their respectively tricky days in the above-ground world. I like crowds like this when I'm tired. Just nice people shooting the shit, taking zero bullshit, and getting themselves properly sloshed after a long day. Also of note was a gentleman in a Los Santos Panic jacket! We're all pretty hyped about the Panic these days. So cool to see that hype trickle down even under the pier. As for drinks, the price point is pretty normal I guess. Two hundred for a Corona. I will say further south at Vespucci Community Center they sell Miller Lites for like 60 to 80 bucks so I'm unsure if VCP is just a really low-priced dive-bar or if The Diving Board Pub is just a little pricier than your average after work dive. EIther way, probably worth mentioning. The dress code is whatever you were wearing that day. Nobody cares. Just be comfy and happy. More games, games, games, games!! 🎮 (Slots and Billiards, fab ways to burn a paycheck.) Fuckity fuck fuck yes! Gambling and beer after work are a killer and dangerous combo. I tried my hands at the slot machine and managed to both lose and win one thousand dollars. By the time I hit my last spin on the slots, my beer was almost gone and my mind smoothed over from a rough week. A glance at the Billiards table also filled me with imaginings of locals hustling each-other for a few low stakes games of pool and earning back their drink money through strategic savvy. Love to see it. ALL IN ALL It's a pub, babes. You get what you expect. Beer. Games. The prospect of live music. And no judgement. That's all we can really ask for from a pub, y'know? If it gets too fancy, it gets pretentious and awkward. If it's too low-grade, it starts attracting sleazeballs. In this case, traveling the middle course served them well. An excellent after work drink. Plus you can walk the pier after and watch the sunset. And that's a super-duper fucking cute feature. Happy drinking. XOXO, DISCLAIMER >Comments are enabled!