[LSVIXEN] Club Review: 'XS'ive Cover Charges, a Dead Dance Floor, & Hot Beats! (3/5)

[Al-Malikah]

  

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Club Review: 'XS'ive Cover Charges, a Dead Dance Floor, & Hot Beats!

 

(Outside XS, submitted by anonymous contributorer!)

RATING: ??? (3/5)

 

Alright loves, it's time for yet another club review from your Fornicator-in-Chief, your hostess with the most-ess and your neighborly everyday gossip monger! Today's review will scrub XS to see what they offered in excess and what they were lacking. Trust me, it's a mixed bag with this one. But first and foremost, I have to say I L O V E the staff and everyone whose hard work goes into making these clubs pop and sizzle. No complaints there, loves.

 

Now let's get spicy.

 

Biiiiitch, I h8 COVER CHARGES!!!

 

i wrote a whole damn article on how much Cover Charges fucking suck so I have to remain consistent here when I say that a six hundred dollar entrance fee or one thousand dollar VIP entry is a big fuckin' bummer. It's a bummer for two reasons. First of all, because I knew they had a cover I pregamed in a park while feverishly texting an ex that I was totally doing really well and wasn't even thinking about him but wanted him to know that I was doing super well and also again, not thinking of him. I got to the bar sloshed and dished out the six hundred that could have been spent on drinks at the bar and instead gave it door-woman. This knocked a kiss off for sure as in my view all cover charges are a bit 'XS'ive.

 

My big issue with VIP entry will be below in the "Dead Dance Floor" section.

 

HOT BEATS!! ?

 

DJ Leah fucking rocked the cock off of everyone in XS and it was hard for me /not/ to get nasty on the dance floor. Flowing from one danceable beat to the next, only dipping into the cardinal sin of a Cha Cha Slide remix /once/ (which is excusable) I found myself vibing to a full and fire degree. Easily my favorite part of coming to XS is the talent and DJ Leah has it in motherfucking SPADES!!!!!!!

 

DEAD DANCE FLOOR!

Here we FUCKIN' GO. So. The beats were hot and there were over ten people in the fucking joint, so WHY OH WHY was the dance floor dead.

Let me tip you fuckers off. When you have Up-Your-Ass VIP Entry, the men who would otherwise be prey for me on the dance-floor firmly lodge themselves up one anothers asses in the decidedly NON-DANCY VIP section where they content themselves in scowling behind sunglasses and watching what meager plebians shuffle their asses onto the actual dance floor.

 

Nobody wants to pay one thousand fucking dollars to sheepishly walk into the public dance floor, so what you all are fucking doing with these rich-bitch VIP sections is segregating your own crowd and de-energizing everyone involved. 

If people want a VIP Experience, have them pay for VIP Access but just include a free bottle of something with like a sparkler like MOST LIBERTY CITY NIGHTCLUBS DO and draw people TO THE DANCE FLOOR.

 

(Liberty City, nonsegregated nightclubs.)

 

ALL IN ALL

 

My final take is that it was a really fun night, but made lamer by the Cover Charge and by the Dead Dance Floor. The heat was brought by DJ Leah and kept the night fucking buuuurning!!!

 

 

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LS Vixen (bitch ass) Disclaimer

The LS Vixen is a satire, parody, commentary, critique, news reporting and scholarly web publication, which may or may not use actual names often in quasi-real and/or fictitious narration. Any resemblance to the truth is purely coincidental, except for all references to politicians, celebrities and/or other personalities that are critiqued and/or commented upon, in which case they are based on real people, but still based almost entirely in fiction.

 

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Edited September 19, 2020 by Al-Malikah