The Taboo Guide to Having Tons of Fun

[Vice_]

 

___________________________"WELCOME, STRANGER"___________________________
The Guide to Having Tons of Fun is the most scientific literature to date! Our talented team of motivated engineers has constructed the blueprint for absolute fun. We know you're probably having doubts, but that negative attitude is likely why you don't have fun to begin with - or friends. Imagine a world where everyone wants to be around you! Breathe the same air you breathe! You can be a true influence on those around you, and use that power to start a cult, or get the girl of your dreams! Heck, it could even help you be a better writer! We aren't saying you're a bad person, only that you could be much, much better. The science is simple and speaks for itself: having fun improves your quality of life! And chances are, you've been taking life too seriously. So, relax and let's get rid of those toxic energies that have made you a big jerk.

Unfortunately, the world changes. Sometimes, people can feel a bit left out. It's a scary world out there - but there's no need to be a bully! You can get what you want, without hitting people over the head for it. Say, for example you want to sleep with your boss' wife and don't want him to know about it? A reasonable answer would be to bludgeon him to death so he can't ever find out... But how is that practical? Think ahead. Think smart. Think fun. It's better to keep him distracted by putting rats in his coat pockets, or slashing his tires while he's at work and you're bedding his betrothed! Just, good ol' fashioned fun.

 

So, let's look at some simple steps that will give you a better outlook!

 

Step 1. - Smile More

Step 2. - Try Breathing

Step 3. - Acknowledge What You're Grateful For

Step 4. - Try Cigarettes

Step 5. - Imagine Everyone Who Loves You

Step 6. (if only Step 5 doesn't apply) - Cry It Out

 

Did any of these help? We thought so! We've been told by various testimonials that our patented system works at least %51 of the time! That's what we like to call a glass half full! These rudimentary steps are only the beginning. This guide will cover a variety of topics and through hard work, dedication and complete and total obedience, your life will be transformed into a more rewarding experience! Your character will thank you, we guarantee it!

 

 

 

 

___________________________________"BE CURIOUS, NOT JUDGMENTAL"______________________

Your writing is a reflection of you, so don't be stupid, you dingus! Find yourself bored of your own creations? Maybe because your knowledge of writing is similar to your knowledge of a woman's anatomy. But there's a cure: be curious! It doesn't hurt to try new things, explore new ideas and bring some humor into your literary devices. For example, here is a list of ways that can help jolt your robotic writing into something people want to actually read!

 

1. - Rhyme all of your /me's, like a sonet.

2. - Look in Google for synonyms of your favorite word, and discover a new favorite word!

3. - Make up words! If people tell you, you're an idiot, tell them that Shakespeare did it!

4. - Don't do a /me, do a /do. No one really cares about your character's name.

5. - Try to write an entire paragraph without using the same word twice!

6. - Pick a goal for the day and stick to it! Nobody wants to play with someone who isn't motivated!

7. - Don't ever lessen your writing skills in the face of someone new. Be consistent in your poeticisms!

8. - Never, ever compromise your creativity because you are afraid of what people think.

9. - Write what you know, not what you think you know.

10. - Give yourself a break. There is a difference between serious and sincere.

 

The average guide will tell you ways of being a functional member of the community. Well, being functional is what helps sustain life - but poetry, love, beauty, and exploration of the new... That is what we live for. The average player will make the discovery after a short while, that he and everyone he plays with, is simply moving in circles. That, by definition, the functions that provide us structure also provide barriers. Rules create more rules. Guides create more guides. Lore creates more lore. Hate creates more hate. Love creates more love.

 

The reality of these loops is not the issue - it is the choice to value one over the other.

 

-//-

 

"Oh me! Oh life! of the questions of these recurring,

Of the endless trains of the faithless, of cities fill’d with the foolish,

Of myself forever reproaching myself, (for who more foolish than I, and who more faithless?)

Of eyes that vainly crave the light, of the objects mean, of the struggle ever renew’d,

Of the poor results of all, of the plodding and sordid crowds I see around me,

Of the empty and useless years of the rest, with the rest me intertwined,

The question, O me! so sad, recurring—What good amid these, O me, O life?

 

Answer.

That you are here—that life exists and identity,

That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse."

- Walt Whitman

 

Ask yourself this question - what will your verse be?

 

 

 

 

___________________________________"STEAK, POTATOES & HOTPOCKETS"______________________

Good roleplay is like food. The easier it is to digest, the better it is. Our experts have analyzed every server, numerous times, and have found one thing in common: nobody is hungry for the right stuff. Are you hungry? We hope so! For knowledge, that is. By reading below, you'll find new options, opinions and hopefully a better sense of what the hell you really want out of this whole "RP" thing. And sure, opinions are like assholes - but I'm just a forum post, I don't have one. I only share bitter facts and don't sympathize if you cry.

 

Leading experts suggest that 9/10 people are idiots - you among them! So, we'll put it in a way you can understand - and relate to!

 

Everyone eats. That's just a fact. But not everyone has good taste. Personally, I enjoy a nice steak cooked medium rare, a side of mashed potatoes and green beans. Others, enjoy a scorching Hotpocket. Both bring pleasure. But only one of those require you to be high, to enjoy. And the truth is, you're probably someone who enjoys Hotpockets a whole lot. Now, even if that isn't true, it's probably valid to say about your writing and who you are as a player.

 

Like the Hotpocket, collecting script items, playing dirty and not caring for your fellow man is easy and affordable. It takes real courage to put effort into ones' writing, to create a sympathetic character with depth and complication - like the effort one puts into making that wonderful steak dinner. In the end, everyone would agree, there's no contest between the two. The problem lies within being told that Hotpockets are better, because they're easier to make. That, indeed, this is NOT a writing game, but instead some microwave version of DayZ, where nuance is non-existent and everyone is out for themselves.

 

To be clear, we're not talking about what goes on thematically in Grand Theft Auto's Los Santos. Everyone agrees, it is a capitalistic nightmare! It is a terrible place to live! But that doesn't mean you should turn the server into a terrible place to play. Wouldn't it be nice to be encouraged for your writing? To have solace, knowing that your fellow man doesn't wish to end your character on the first day because you made a boo-boo? Wouldn't it, over all things, be nice to know that you're in good hands? If only everyone was on the same team, OOCly? Well, I'm sorry, kid... But here's the rub... They're not on the same team. They might never be. Hell, most of the kids you play with don't know the difference between "you're" and "your".

 

The best thing you can do is hold onto your dignity, and make those kids buckle under the weight of your massive paragraph text.

 

 

"The Taboo Guide to Having Ton of Fun" isn't just about creative ways to play by the rules. It's also a guide on how to turn those rules into your bitch. So, let's begin.

 

1. Tell people when they've made a spelling error, especially if they're your enemy. It will make their power-gaming look even more stupid, and in turn hurt their feelings. At best, they'll pick up a book and start to read - improving their skill, and in turn, their respect for your roleplay. At worst, they'll cry themselves to sleep. Either way, you'll win in the long run!

 

2. Do you like to write in paragraphs? Are you upsetting the local player-base by taking your time? Good. What else are people here for? Don't even talk to them in /b, just keep going and take your time. You're the one showing them what's what! While you're improving your writing, and keeping your dignity by not engaging, you'll annoy them more than they will you!

 

3. If someone without a heart does manage to kill your character, don't let pride get in the way. Use your ultimate writing skill to make your death more badass than their act. That way, you'll show them who the better player is - even from the grave. Others will take note, and you'll be praised for not losing your cool!

 

Did any of this help? If not, here's an excerpt of a silly book incase you wanted the TL;DR.

 

"The Great Tao flows both to the left and to the right,

It loves and nourishes all things but does not Lord it over them,

And when merits are accomplished, it lays no claim to them."

- Lao Tzu, writer of Tao Te Ching

 

 

 

 

___________________________________"WHAT THE HELL IS WATER?"______________________

If you've made it this far in our wonderful, scientific guide, congratulations! You're an avid reader; and we thank you for your service! Clearly, you have more brains than brawn, which could also explain your crippling addiction to computerized worlds and virtual sexual deviancy. Hey! We don't judge, no siree - we're not just any team of dedicated guide makers, we're taboo! Man, you're probably a... Wait a minute, I'm getting some new instructions... To lay off, you say? A little mean?! Hm. If you say so...

 

The avid TTGTHTOF (working acronym) team is issuing an apology for any insensitive material you've seen thus far. Our talented R&D Department (Gary) has just informed us about the existence of didactic, little parable-ish stories. It's come to our attention that such things would be useful to garnish attention, and to express ideas - like you would to a small child, or golden retriever. Without further ado, we've posted one of these stories below. Fuck you, Gary.

 

-//-

 

There are these two young fish swimming along

When they happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way,

Who nods at them and says “Morning, boys. How’s the water?”

And the two young fish swim on for a bit,

And then eventually one of them looks over at the other

And goes “What the hell is water?”

 

If you’re worried that this guide's plan is to present itself as the wise, older fish explaining what water is to you younger fish, please don’t be. I am not the wise old fish. The point of the fish story is merely that the most obvious, important realities are often the ones that are hardest to see and talk about. Stated as an English sentence, of course, this is just a banal platitude, but the fact is that in the day to day trenches of roleplaying existence, banal platitudes can have a life or death importance.

 

Of course the main requirement of guides like this is that I’m supposed to talk about your roleplay education's meaning, to try to explain why the suggestions you are about to receive have actual human value instead of just a material payoff. So let’s talk about the single most pervasive cliché in the RP Guide genre, which is that a roleplaying education is not so much about filling you up with knowledge as it is about "teaching you how to think." If you’re like me as a player, you’ve never liked hearing this, and you tend to feel a bit insulted by the claim that you needed anybody to teach you how to think, since the fact that you even got admitted to a server this good seems like proof that you already know how to think.

 

But I’m going to posit to you that the RP Guide cliché turns out not to be insulting at all, because the really significant education in thinking that we’re supposed to get in a community like this isn’t really about the capacity to think, but rather about the choice of what to think about. If your total freedom of choice regarding what to think about seems too obvious to waste time discussing, I’d ask you to think about fish and water, and to bracket for just a few minutes your skepticism about the value of the totally obvious.

 

The point here is that I think this is one part of what teaching me how to think is really supposed to mean. To be just a little less arrogant. To have just a little critical awareness about myself and my certainties. Because a huge percentage of the stuff that I tend to be automatically certain of is, it turns out, totally wrong and deluded. I have learned this the hard way, as I predict you new players will, too.

 

Here is just one example of the total wrongness of something I tend to be automatically sure of: everything in my own immediate experience supports my deep belief that I am the absolute center of the universe; the realest, most vivid and important person in existence. We rarely think about this sort of natural, basic self-centeredness because it’s so socially repulsive. But it’s pretty much the same for all of us. It is our default setting, hard-wired into our boards at birth. Think about it: there is no experience you have had that you are not the absolute center of. The world as you experience it is there in front of YOU or behind YOU, to the left or right of YOU, on YOUR TV or YOUR monitor. And so on. Other people’s thoughts and feelings have to be communicated to you somehow, but your own are so immediate, urgent, real.

 

Please don’t worry that I’m getting ready to lecture you about compassion or other-directedness or all the so-called virtues. This is not a matter of virtue. It’s a matter of my choosing to do the work of somehow altering or getting free of my natural, hard-wired default setting which is to be deeply and literally self-centered and to see and interpret everything through this lens of self. People who can adjust their natural default setting this way are often described as being “well-adjusted”, which I suggest to you is not an accidental term.

 

Given the triumphant community setting here, an obvious question is how much of this work of adjusting our default setting involves actual knowledge or intellect. This question gets very tricky. Probably the most dangerous thing about a roleplaying education – least in my own case – is that it enables my tendency to over-intellectualize stuff, to get lost in abstract argument inside my head, instead of simply paying attention to what is going on right in front of me, paying attention to what is going on inside me.

 

As I’m sure you guys know by now, it is extremely difficult to stay alert and attentive, instead of getting hypnotized by the constant monologue inside your own head (may be happening right now). Almost twenty years after my own humble beginnings, I have come gradually to understand that the RP Guide cliché about teaching you how to think is actually shorthand for a much deeper, more serious idea: learning how to think really means learning how to exercise some control over how and what you think. It means being conscious and aware enough to choose what you pay attention to and to choose how you construct meaning from experience. Because if you cannot exercise this kind of choice in adult life, you will be totally hosed. Think of the old cliché about "the mind being an excellent servant but a terrible master."

 

This, like many clichés, so lame and unexciting on the surface, actually expresses a great and terrible truth. It is not the least bit coincidental that adults who commit suicide with firearms almost always shoot themselves in: the head. They shoot the terrible master. And the truth is that most of these suicides are actually dead long before they pull the trigger.

 

And I submit that this is what the real, no bullshit value of this taboo guide's education is supposed to be about: how to keep from going through your comfortable, prosperous, respectable roleplaying career dead, unconscious, a slave to your head and to your natural default setting of being uniquely, completely, imperially alone day in and day out. That may sound like hyperbole, or abstract nonsense. Let’s get concrete. The plain fact is that you new players do not yet have any clue what “day in day out” really means. There happen to be whole, large parts of RP life that nobody talks about in forum threads or personal message boards.

 

“I don't think writers are any smarter than other people.

I think they may be more compelling in their stupidity,

Or in their confusion.”

- David Foster Wallace

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

____________________________________________________\\//____________________________________________________

I had written this post years ago, and decided to revise and submit for this community. Please let me know how this reads; I'd love to hear some suggestions on what to cover next.

Our team of dedicated engineers wants to hear your take! I've also submitted this without a night's sleep; so please let me know if there's any spelling errors or jarring text. Also, I realize that it's only legible using "DarkMode", so if this poses a problem for readers, please let me know and I'll adjust the color-coding in Photoshop.

 

Edited August 16, 2022 by Vice_

[i dont wanna od in LA]

Good "writing" does not translate to quality roleplay. There's a ton of other factors that weigh in on that (accurate portrayal, right mindset, etc.), and as such this guide is not very relevant. 

[Junx]

1 hour ago, Vice_ said:

Tell people when they've made a spelling error, especially if they're your enemy. It will make their power-gaming look even more stupid, and in turn hurt their feelings. At best, they'll pick up a book and start to read - improving their skill, and in turn, their respect for your roleplay. At worst, they'll cry themselves to sleep. Either way, you'll win in the long run!

 

This is just encouraging toxic behaviour lol

[Slick Huerta]

[ERPQM]

What a meme 😂 love it

[Vice_]

1 hour ago, Don't@Me said:

What a meme 😂 love it

I appreciate you getting the bit.

[Vice_]

2 hours ago, i dont wanna od in LA said:

Good "writing" does not translate to quality roleplay. There's a ton of other factors that weigh in on that (accurate portrayal, right mindset, etc.), and as such this guide is not very relevant. 

Sounds like a guy who doesn't have a lotta' fun, am I right?

[i dont wanna od in LA]

Guess you don't.

[Vice_]

29 minutes ago, i dont wanna od in LA said:

Guess you don't.

I can't wait to make you buckle under the weight of my enormous paragraph RP. We'll see who has the last laugh!

[Arkster]

I do like the suggestion of setting more goals for your character. Thanks for the idea!