[LSVIXEN] Politics Guide: David-Wu Inter-view, it rhymes!

[Al-Malikah]

 

 

 

 

 

A Vixen's Guide to LS Politics

 

 

 

Hey babes, here's that transcript of my exclusive interview with Northern Candidate, Democrat David Wu, on LS Vixen Live. 

 

Thank you so much to everyone who tuned in and to those who didn't, you'll have to imagine me saying these questions with an eerily calm voice and killer timing and delivery. 

 

 

 

Politics Guide: David-Wu Inter-view, it rhymes!

 

Transcript

 

 

Spoiler

[The Intro Splash Screen flickers across screens for Vixen Live, a talk show version of the popular gossip and political satire blog. The camera zooms over to a blonde woman in a pink zebra print jacket over a pink sweater and a grey-haired stately looking Asian man with a black suit and patterned tie. The blonde smiles to the camera.]

LS Vixen: Hey babes! You're tuned in to Vixen Live. We're a talk show that goes in deeper than a particularly /creative/ colonoscopy on all the political, cultural, and gossipy topics and issues YOU find interesting or fabulous.  I'm your hostess with the mostess, the Los Santos Vixen, and today I have with me today the Democratic Candidate from the Northern District, David Wu, who was brave enough to be my first live interview guest. Thanks for joining me, Mr. Wu!

David Wu: It's a pleasure, it's a pleasure.

LS Vixen: Alright, so look. Politics isn't everyone's like... favorite thing, y'know? Wanna tell people who you are and why they should know ya?

David Wu: Well, I'm the Democratic Party's candidate for the Northern District, just as you said. I'm looking to represent the people of Vinewood, the people of Hawick, the people of Mirror Park... all over. Including the student body at ULSA. I'm a long time businessman. Ran Wang Chau over in Little Seoul for years, I've steadfastly advocated for community issues through charity work. I'm not really sure if people know all about it. Good causes are usually left unspoken in Los Santos. It needs to change. I represent that change.

LS Vixen: That /sounds/ lovely, David. We'll dig into the weight of that with the questions! You ready, freddy-spaghetti?

LS Vixen: Indeed! Mmk! I like to play a /super/ fun game with interviewees. It's called... Hard Question, Easy Question.  You choose the first! How should we kick off?

David Wu: I'm not here to play around - hard question.

LS Vixen: Hell yeah, Davey. Alright. Hard question. Tell viewers what community policing is, why it's the bees knees in your platform, and whether it'd be an adequete replacement for actual real cops!

David Wu: Basically, it's focusing on moving crime-fighting from the hands of the police into the hands of people in local communities. It's a main plank in my platform because I think we, as citizens, ought to be more vigilant. Not to mention the fact this approach is arguably better at dealing with the root of crime. When a community is wary and on alert I think the potential for harm's massively reduced. It's more of a preventative than a reactive approach.
David Wu: It's all well and good punishing these offenders, sure - but victims are still victims. Justice will not grant them what they have lost. We need to stop crime happening before it *can* happen.

LS Vixen: Love that. Being wary and on alert is why I take Benzos. I feel like the details are going to be super important here, but I'm not going to have you read out how you'd create like uniformity between community police operations, prevent takeovers from local gangs, or y'know a couple of the other worries that just pip and pop to mind. I'll wait for legislative proposals and all that boring stuff to come out.

 

I think I'll give you an Easy Question now. Palette Cleanser.

LS Vixen: Another plank in your platform is... "Entertainment Legacy." Bringing back the gold in the golden film industry. Speaking of. What's your favorite local production from 2023 or 2024? : It can be a TV Show or Movie or... whatever

David Wu: You've caught me out of left field with that one... I honestly haven't really seen anything. But that's the crux of the problem. There's very little promotion, very little help given. How are people supposed to know when there's no money in.the industry? My plank will cover this. I'm advocating for heavy advertising and investment. It's a shame I don't know, because I'm certain there are some brilliant productions right here in this city. Undiscovered gems, I'd say.

 

 [She smirks and cocks her head. Nodding slowly]

David Wu: People want to know more but there needs to be the investment there. That's what I think.

LS Vixen: Yeah. I would have said Fischer, the sitcom pilot that swept the city a month or two ago or... even C'est La Vie which was the film that sort of took the city by the balls last month. Vinewood Pictures, y'know? But hey that's just my taste. You are awarded one point however, because you want to put money into my industry. There's points to this game, did I mention? Yeah you just got one!

 

 Okay, let's scootch to a new quuuestion. Death Penalty, babe! What's your vibe on it in a modern society?

David Wu: I think there's no place for the death penalty in 2024. It's a barbaric practice, and I'm actually quite appalled at attempts by the state government for its reintroduction. The worst kind of offender should only be punished by life in prison. By essentially killing these people, we're implying a sort of moral equivalence between the offender and the government. And I think that's completely the wrong approach. We should not stoop to criminal levels for the sake of justice.

LS Vixen: An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth makes the whole world blind and toothless. Which would like... totally suck. I think Malala said that... or Ghandi... Hmr...  Anyway... so Josie Martinez. Where do you contrast with her the most would you say?

David Wu: She actually seems to mirror my platform quite a lot, so I'm not really sure why she's labelling herself a conservative. She's too good for them, I'd say... But I think we really contrast experience wise. I've got a long record in business.  I've fought hard for the rights of immigrants in Little Seoul, and I'll do the same for the people in the North. She doesn't have those credentials. The golf club, fantastic institution, I was a member for many years - but what help does that do the poor, the needy, the sick? We need change. Fresh voices. I don't believe someone so stooped in wealth has the ability to do that. Me? I came from nothing. But now I'm here, talking to you. Anything's possible with hard work.

 [Vixen smiles warmly and nods.]

LS Vixen: You've gotten yourself an online following with all that charm. Dedicated enough to deface her posters and heckle her at campaign events such as her Split Sides Comedy Show... What's the vibe babe? What's your take?
David Wu: Well, I obviously condemn anything of that sort. I think it's pretty childish. But it's also a cry for help. People see the state of how things are and they're understandably upset, and recognizing me as someone who is trying to bring change, they support me, naturally. I think it's good people are getting interested in politics to that degree, but that's not the way we go about it. We need to be sensible. We need to be polite.

LS Vixen: I love that. Civil campaigning. It's a cornerstone of like... elections!

LS Vixen: By the way, have you seen those stitch videos? Oh my gosh, those are so funny, right?

David Wu: Stitch videos?

LS Vixen: Yeah, they're like videos of you or Olivia Zhao walking and there's music playing... Your campaign people haven't... picked up on this?

David Wu: Oh, that's what you mean. I don't know the jargon - I thought they were hilarious. But it's funny, I don't understand all these in-jokes they have nowadays. In the nineties, I was with it, but now? I'm lost completely.

LS Vixen: Oh totally. The new generation moves /so/ fast. I just assumed you'd know since it was your son who posted them.

LS Vixen: And the posters turning Josie into the Joker.

LS Vixen: And heckled her at Split Sides.

[She cocks her head curiously]

David Wu: Yeah, I know it's my son. He's troubled. I don't endorse any of his actions at all, and I refer to my last point. People like him are upset with how things are. This state is neglecting the fringes of society, people like my son...
David Wu: I think his actions were out of desperation. Ennui.

LS Vixen: Oh, yeah. That's sad. Have you talked to him about it yet or?

David Wu: I have. I gave him a long, lengthy lecture.

LS Vixen: Oh gosh, I can kind of feel it from that witheringly short statement. You've scared me off the topic, dad- I mean. Mr. Wu.

 

Educational Grant Time. I think you earned it. Gimme the deets babe.

David Wu: The city government should give money to ULSA graduates who are planning to open a business. This will encourage entrepreneurship and help offset student debt, just short of complete forgiveness.
David Wu: It'll encourage students to get their foot in the door - enterprise is the way of the game in Los Santos. It's the only way someone can empower themselves, especially if they're a minority.

[She nods a couple of times.]

LS Vixen: Points for that one. You now have like four points. I've been adding them up in my head. Okay. So. We've covered some ground today, David. But there's one teensy point I'd be a super crappy journalist if I didn't ask you about.

 

 Singapore! Give us the run down on your past year in... Sin-ga-pore. I hear it's super duper pretty.

 

David Wu: My father-in-law passed away so we had to move there for a period of time in order to handle the issue of his estate. Besides the morbid reasoning it was quite productive - it helped me acquaint myself with a place I've only sparingly.visited before.

LS Vixen: Oh honey... I'm so sorry babe. That's not easy. Send my condolences to Soph. Alrighty, let's bring it around, babe. You used to chair the Suey SIng Association, but like... maybe some students at ULSA or other neighborhoods aren't in the know.

What is that? The Association. What did it do?

David Wu: It was a community association. We primarily worked to help immigrants settle in, as well as give residents legal aid, grants, language classes to connect them with their heritage... As well as a lot of rehabilitative work, me and my wife. I gave a few lectures in Twin Towers Correctional Facility to the inmates there.

LS Vixen: Sweet. I think you managed to escape all of my bear traps and swinging saw blades actually for the most part. LIke I gave Josie at the end of my podcast, do you have any final parting words for the listeners at home?

David Wu: I'd like to tell you all to vote for me this Saturday. Come with me if you want to live.

LS Vixen: Bahaha... it really goes well with the stay wary and alert message you entered the interview on. I'd like to thank you for joining me on the first episode of Vixen Live, David Wu.

It takes some serious balls for candidates to face me knowing I'll grill their asses like a pork roast in Blaine County. Big ups to the brave ones.

David Wu: Thank you for having me. Been great!

LS Vixen: Alright folks, finally, I'd like to thank YOU for joining me on Vixen Live. The only show where you get to see the latest politicians, celebrities, and talking heads put in the hot seat.

 

We'll be posting the full transcript on the Los Santos.Vixen Blog, brought to you by LSN.

LS Vixen: Love us or hate us, just never... ever... ever stop talking about us!

[Vixen winks and the shot zooms out to the candidate and her chuckling and chatting with no audio as poppy music and the outro plays]
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 DISCLAIMER

 

Spoiler

LS Vixen's (bitch ass) Disclaimer
 

The LS Vixen is a satire, parody, commentary, critique, news reporting and scholarly web publication, which may or may not use actual names often in quasi-real and/or fictitious narration. Any resemblance to the truth is purely coincidental, except for all references to politicians, celebrities and/or other personalities that are critiqued and/or commented upon, in which case they are based on real people, but still based almost entirely in fiction.

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Edited February 8 by Al-Malikah

[wawls]

Username: WINNING24723445993329
Comment: Winning!

[fofa]

9 hours ago, Al-Malikah said:

David Wu: I'd like to tell you all to vote for me this Saturday. Come with me if you want to live.

Username: HonaldRo911
Comment: Bro thinks hes termintor :rofl:

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