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The hottest tea, the spiciest gossip, the fiercest commentary and no fucking censorship. We are the Los Santos VIXEN. Hope you've been doing your kegels, babe. Letter from the editor: Sis, stop reading the story and BE the story. Submit your gossip to our handy and under-fucking-utilized gossip submission form. Chop chop. Also Like, Subscribe, Share, is this your first time online? Click HERE ! LSVIXEN XOXO ❤️ Club Review: Chaotic Crowds and Vibrant Vertigo at 'Cloud Nine' (3/5) (Cloud Nine, located in Pillbox Hill.) Rating: 💋💋💋 Find out what Three Kisses means here. Hey cuties. This review has been a long time coming and I've tried to approach this delicately, like a scientist dissecting a preserved piglet. Detached from morality or emotions, I wanted to figure out how I felt about this because there's aspects I adore, I like, and I want to love, but there's also some angles to this vertically-oriented unique club experience that get me a little uneasy and woozy. Together, with your voyeurism and my exhibitionism, I think we can unpack the mysteries and wonders high up in the sky, deeply embedded into Cloud Nine. Aesthetically Stunning, Elegant, Classy, and Fucking Unique! 💮 (An excellent exercise in Modernism that isn't Boring. It's possible guys, see!) First things first, one of the two areas Cloud Nine excels in is its aesthetics. The spaces are beautifully crafted, visually interesting, and should be conducive to going from an elegant drink while lounging to dancing on the open air balcony. I enjoy the idea of exiting the elevator and being right in the mix between the bar and the stylish seating arrangements. It screams luxury penthouse. It screams eleganza. I have zero critiques on architecture and I think the fucking designer should get an award and also hit me up about designing my future mansion (putting some good vibes in the air towards that!). Slay babes, slay. Killer Tunes, Hot DJs, and Dancy Dancefloors! 🎉 (DJ Carl Medina in his natural habitat, mixing sounds to keep our hearts beating.) The music is the second place that Cloud Nine excels and it's due to a consistent lineup of solid tunes. DJ Carl Medina is becoming one of my "names to look out for to know if a party is worth visiting" and so his tendency to play Cloud Nine has influenced the score upwards. The music is blended nicely, never crudely switching and fucking up a killer dance move. The dance crowd is welcoming and kind for the most part, only sometimes segmenting into little cliques (which is fairly common) but dancing to club hits in the open air of Los Santos is a unique experience. Acoustically, the sound system is vibrant and punchy and the bass hits me right above the tits and I love that rib-cage humming sensation. Another slay for Cloud Nine. Really Lax Door Policy! Wait, no Door Policy! 😨 (This was from a night where the crowd was fine. Only one minor fight on the dance-floor and didn't involve my ass.) This is where we start to get a little grey in the face, kids. If you've read this blog, you know I am not a fan of cover charges. I've said that phrase a dozen times and I'll say it a dozen more. So theoretically, I should love the fact that Cloud Nine is cover-free. Usually that would warrant an auto-four and above Kiss Rating and my undying gratitude. But that's not what's happening today, cuties. Cloud Nine has provided me valuable nuance to this rule and I'm grateful for that. I talked briefly about what Crowd Curation is in a previous review for "Meatballs By the Sea" but to summarize... Crowd Curation is the ability of certain business owners to use different mechanisms to curate the kinds of crowds they want to attract and retain. Country Clubs for example have butt-sniffingly high fees and explicitly exclude members of the Media Elite in order to cultivate a sort of "elitism with no risk of pesky plebian transparency" energy among their stuffy clientele. Goth clubs tend to have themed nights to really cultivate the ex-theatre kids to goth pipeline types. And more generally, nightclubs tend to have both covers and security to keep the stabby, shooty, instigator-express this city is known for from pulling into the station and doing what they generally exist to do. Cloud Nine has no security, no CCTV, and no cover. I've been there twice. Each time has had a fight break out. Both times these fights were on the balcony which overlooks a nine story drop. Do you kinda see what I'm getting at here? The combo of these factors means when I see that Cloud Nine opening up, I have a mixed desire to taste the cocktails, take in the rooftop fun, but also I want to call three of my friends to join me because I don't really know who is going to be there and whether they want to enrich their lives through super-violence in an otherwise lovely space. It's uneasy at times. ALL IN ALL (Fucking beautiful, though. For real.) I really really really want to like Cloud Nine more. I want to be more and more excited to go. The owner is incredibly kind, the staff is wonderful, and as I said the Aesthetics, the Music, and the Price Point is unbeatable, I just think with any sort of security measures at all, I would be more inclined to be able to relax in the space fully. I mean look at the picture above. Who doesn't want to listen to a pianist while sipping a cocktail in that space? Maybe one day, cuties. Maybe one day! XOXO, DISCLAIMER >Comments are enabled!

The hottest tea, the spiciest gossip, the fiercest commentary and no fucking censorship. We are the Los Santos VIXEN. Hope you've been doing your kegels, babe. Letter from the editor: Sis, stop reading the story and BE the story. Submit your gossip to our handy and under-fucking-utilized gossip submission form. Chop chop. Also Like, Subscribe, Share, is this your first time online? Click HERE ! LSVIXEN XOXO ❤️ Club Review: Biting the Bank Fee and Leaping Into 'The Vault' (4/5) (The Vault, located in Pillbox Hill.) Rating: 💋💋💋💋 Babes, when I say it's been a week, it's been a fucking week. I've had everything from death threats to getting tossed into a mosh-pit head first, but also some shiny moments. Finding really sweet girlies to hang out with who are both fun and smart, taking drives to the countryside and meeting a bonafide cowgirl, and generally getting to really know this city I've chosen to forge my destiny in. A mixed bag for sure, but one area of consistency is my desire to get absolutely reckless and dancy and hit nightclubs that seem fun, cute, and spicy. Thus, one golden night, I found myself at The Vault A Stylish Entry with a Punch to the Gut Cover! 🤪 (How fucking stunning is she. On brand.) Well, babes, I'm gonna be real with you. As I've said in past reviews, this girlie is none-too-fond of cover charges. I get it. We need some kind of filter at the door to keep the stabby, shooty, and assholes out. So all I really ask is that it's reasonable. The $700 bucks at the door is a little dicey for me babe. I paid for a friend and dropped $1400 bucks that would have went to the bar (which surprisingly offset the cost of the door!) This isn't a major, major issue. A lot of work went into the decor, it's sleek, it's fashionable, it's cute, so I totally get it. But it's also my blog and I have rules and the rule with covers is if it irritates me, it's one Kiss off five. Them's the rules. Cute entry though! Clubby-bubbies, cute babes, & hot dudes in streetwear! 🎉 (The hottie crowd and sickening DJ.) (11/14: DJ MUTAAANT, click for his FB!) Zero fucking complaints about the crowd and the DJ. The DJ was bumping consistently and it was a solid vibe through and through, the crowd didn't shit themselves on the dancefloor, stab one another, and they actually fucking danced which is rarer than I'd like it to be. I was happy as a clam swimming between the extremely accessible bar to the dance factory floor. I grooved my ass off and for no particular reason I was consistently up, up, up in mood. I'm going to attribute it to the music, the lighting, and my general body chemistry at the time. Clothes-wise, it was a mixed bag. As usual the chicks were breaking out the stylish looks and the dudes were wearing hoodies and T-shirts. So basically if you're a dude, if you do literally anything to stand out, it'll be notable and hot. Girlies, we always have to turn up. It is our blessing and our curse. YEE! 11/14 UPDATE: Hey cuties! I wanted to update that the DJ was the one and only DJ MUTANT who kicks a lot of Techno and Drum and Bass. Find him here if you want to give this lovely a follow or a like sometime, babes! Humans! Humans EVERYWHERE! 💛 (The crowd was evenly dispersed between two floors! Glory, fucking glory.) Let me be super real with you, cuties. A two story club can be a risk. One of the risks is that everyone is on one floor and the other acts like a vestigial arm that just flops on the side for random drug use and threatening conversations. At The Vault because of the fucking magnificent architecture, the upstairs is neatly and tidily integrated into the space. Hopping upstairs is a quick elevator ride and doesn't take you out of the experience, but it does give you a breather from the busy main floor. I like this a lot. My friend was having drinks with a cute girly upstairs for an cozy chat while I was playing the wrecking ball on the dance floor. Popping up to see her was easy and cozy. Big big big fucking props to the interior designer. They deserve an award. And money. LAST BUT NOT FUCKING LEAST, MY WATER GODDESS 🌊 (My angel. My saint. My queen. My Water-Mommy) Hey, so it turns out in clubs, girls like me get super-duper fucking thirsty. This absolute unit above provided me exactly what I needed when I needed it for a reasonable price. If you see her, treat her well. I have no idea what her name is, but I will forever see her as my water goddess as I was about to dehydrate because of 🎉reasons🎉 and Queen Saint over here came to my fucking rescue with a free bottle of water. Tip her. Make it rain. Bless the rains down in Africa. You know the deal. ALL IN ALL Baby dolls, I had a fun night. What can I say? A lot of the time I go to a club and it's a flaccid mess. Just a blear of meh that's barely worth writing about (which is why you don't see too many 1, 2, and 3 star reviews honestly). The Vault executed a stylish concept with reasonably priced drinks, a solid DJ set and curated a fun crowd, but the entry price is a little cutting and they could instruct folks at End of Night a little better on the alternate exit used, but the final two points are super minor in comparison to the benefits. If my biggest issue with your place is that it hit my wallet a little harder than I'd like and there's some crowd flow adjustments that could be made, you've got a golden motherfucking spot babes. TLDR: Put your money into the Vault, withdraw stylish fun. XOXO, DISCLAIMER >Comments are enabled!