Ralof45

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+1, I gotta get a mortgage just to buy a damn knife in this joint

+1

+1 Let my broke ass be able to run a business

Im carrying in my pockets 50 different species of fish that I caught in the span of 10 minutes

User: Spooky Scary Skeleton Content: Found this shit while hiking!!!

The barque of Los Santos By Adriel Shala In the Harbour of the purgatory lays floating two barques ready to take on new souls to the afterlife. What barque the passengers’ board is determined by their actions during life. Chapter I The politician Demon- To the barque, to the barque for good tides we have. Says the captain of the infernal vessel who then turns to his minion. Demon-Turn the ship around. Minion-Tis done my lord, Tis done. Demon- Well done, go now quickly stretch the ropes and clear the seats for the people who are to come. After barking his orders the Demon turns to the sky. Demon- To the barque, to the barque quickly that I’m in a hurry, praises to Beelzebub. The Demon turns yet again to his minion. Demon- Move that ass, release the capstan, and ready up that halyard. The minion in a hurry answers: -It will be done master, It will be done. Demon- Oh what vessel this is, put up some colourful flags for today is a day for celebration. After getting the vessel ready a man appears at the docks in a good suit along with his maid that brings with her a shoe shining kit, a large fine silk blanket and a fancy chair. Demon- Oh powerful Mr Adams you are finally here, what is all that you bring with you? The man approaching the infernal vessel turns to his captain asking. Mr Adams- This vessel…where does it go, I can see it’s ready to sail. The demon from aboard his barque answers. Demon- To the Island of the lost and it shall depart in a bit. Mr Adams- Is that where you are going, miss? Demon- I’m a gentleman, at your service. Scratching his head the politician suspects something is up. Mr Adams-This ship seems a bit…cheap. Demon- Because you are seeing it from the outside, you will find it way better once you are aboard. Mr Adams- Yeah right, and where shall you make landfall? Demon- In hell my good man. Mr Adams- A flavourless land. Demon- What? You have the guts to criticize my realm? Mr Adams- And what passengers do you expect to get for such a vessel? Demon- I see you down there, ready to come aboard… Mr Adams- It may seem so to you! Demon- How do you expect to reach salvation? Mr Adams- I left in the previous life people who pray for me! The demon starts laughing hysterically mocking the politician. Demon- Ah “people who pray for you”? Once again the demon laughs. Demon- You lived at your leisure thinking you could save yourself because there are those who would pray for you? After containing his laughter the demon turns to the politician again while shaking his head. Demon- Come aboard! Come aboard now! You will go on the back of the vessel, tell your maid to put up the chair there in the same place your father did. The politician starting to panic asks. Mr Adams- What? My father? Is that where he was sent to? Demon- Are you coming or not? Come aboard quick. This is the price you pay for your choices in life, now here you are and since you crossed the veil of death so too you will have to cross the river in my vessel. Mr Adams- Is there not another ship here? Demon- No sir! You prepared this ship yourself with the shady actions you took and right after you expired you gave me a sign. Mr Adams- Wha….what sign was that? Demon- That you were damned. Mr Adams- I will search for another barque. Upon saying this the rich man spotted across the dock another vessel, he starts making his way there and upon reaching it he shouts to its captain. Mr Adams- Hey, you there, what is this vessel’s destination? Can’t you hear me? Answer me now! Upon getting ignored by the captain of the vessel, the rich man fell to his knees. Mr Adams- For god’s sake I’m lost! What a fool I am, do you think I’m some sort of incoherent crackhead? The captain of the ship spreads her white wings turning to the man down on the docks finally answering him. Angel- What is it you want? Mr Adams- I died so suddenly, I need you to tell me if the barque to Paradise is this one you are commanding? Angel- It’s this one. What is it you desire? Mr Adams- That you let me come aboard, I’m a powerful man, you would do well by taking me aboard. Angel- We don’t embark tyranny in this divine vessel. Mr Adams-I don’t know why you deny me entry. Why do you deny it, my lady? Angel- This vessel is too small for your vanity. Mr Adams- I’m a man with status, is there not more courtesy here for me? Throw down the plank and let me come aboard and take me from this shore. Angel- Don’t you even think about getting on this vessel. The angel points to the infernal barque. Angel- That one over there goes way more empty and it is way more spacious, over in that vessel your fine chair will fit, your ass will fit and all your might will fit. You will go way more comfortable over there. Go there thinking about your tyranny against the poor pleading people. And because generosity you don't have, you despised the small and the weak. I thought less and less of you each time you showed your arrogance. The demon on his vessel shouts. Demon- Come aboard, Come aboard gents. Oh, such good tides such good winds and such strong rowers. Mr Adams-To hell then! Is hell really for me? While I lived I didn’t think it was. I thought hell was pure fantasy. I thought I was loved by the people, I trusted my status and didn’t notice that I was losing myself. The politician turns to the demon upon his vessel shouting. Mr Adams- Throw down that plank, let’s see that sad vessel. Demon- Come aboard sweetie. Take up a pair of paddles and we shall see how well you row. And when we arrive at our destination you will see how well we will serve you. Mr Adams- Wait here for a while, I have to go back to the other life to see my lover that surely wants to kill herself to be with me. Demon- That wants to kill herself for you?! Mr Adams- You heard it! Demon- Oh betrayed lover, the saddest I have ever seen. Mr Adams- How can that be? She spent the whole time texting me telling me how much she loved me. Demon- You sure read a lot of lies. But there you were blinded by your lust. Mr Adams- Why do say such things, nobody ever loved me as she did. You must be lying! Demon- Oh my mistake, why would she not want you. Says the demon while laughing. Demon- Know that while you were dying she was fucking with another man, a man that you would consider of “lesser stock”. Mr Adams- At least let me go back and see my wife one last time. Demon- If she sees you again she would have a breakdown. She prayed so much today between her screams giving Infinite praises to whoever released her from you. Mr Adams- I saw how she cried. Demon- Can a person not cry with happiness? Mr Adams- And all the sad things she said at my funeral? Demon- Her mother taught her. Now come on in good sir, put your foot up on the plank and come up aboard. Mr Adams- Well if that’s the way it is then let’s not waste our time. The politician comes up aboard the vessel, and the demon approaches the man showing him to his seat. Demon- Now good sir, take a rest, take a walk around the deck and take a breath that more people are bound to come. Mr Adams- Oh barque how you burn me inside, damn…damn those who board you. The demon looks over in the direction of the maid. Demon- You have no place here! Be gone and take that chair with you. I know this fool used to take that very chair to sit at church. That thing shall not come aboard. We will give him another chair, this one will be of ivory. And with each flogging he will appreciate his new chair more and more.

The days will be much the same The days that are to come my friend, Will be so much alike The little swords of sun will stab The points of moon will strike The night shall fall and nervous stars Will blink and nod and yawn. And then the gray will spread to spell Another bitter Dawn The years that are to come will be Alike Do you know why? Because we closed our hearts to love And let our senses die!

What did you learn in school today Dear little boy of mine? What did you learn in school today Dear little boy of mine? I learned that Washington never told a lie I learned that soldiers seldom die I learned that everybody's free And that's what the teacher said to me That's what I learned in school today What did you learn in school today Dear little boy of mine? I learned that policemen are my friends I learned that justice never ends I learned that murderers die for their crimes Even if we make a mistake sometimes What did you learn in school today Dear little boy of mine? I learned our Government must be strong It's always right and never wrong Our leaders are the finest men And we elect them again and again What did you learn in school today Dear little boy of mine? I learned that war is not so bad; I learned about the great ones we have had; We fought in Germany ‘Nam and France And someday I might get my chance And that's what I learned in school today That's what I learned in school

Dedicated To those who dare and to all that cower. Chapter I The Journey It’s July 1881, got no idea about the day. What I do know is that I have been walking for what seems like weeks now…heck maybe it’s not even July anymore. It’s been some time since I took up this bounty but I finally managed to track the bastard down. I have been doing bounty’s for a good while now but it is mostly the usual small-time cattle rustlers and debtors. This one however is a real one. The deputy who handed me this contract told me this son’o bitch is a mean bastard, used to run in a gang. The bastards stole cattle and robbed coaches from Alabama to New Mexico. The law started huntin’ them down however and they have since disbanded. The only reason I managed to get the location on this yellowbelly was on account of one of his friends who spilled the beans while trying to appeal his death sentence. Curtis Goodwill is this bastard’s name, its no Jessie James but Curtis will do fine. It’s 7 dollars for this bastard’s corpse and 8 for him alive. A man can’t just turn down an offer like that. Flagstaff Arizona is where that ol’ bastard is hiding. I usually don’t like coming this far west on account of them redskins in the area. Matter o’ fact I could swear I was being followed by some Navajo just last night. Just the thought of getting scalped by one of them makes my legs shake. Still, I can’t deny the peacefulness of the desert. Even if a damned coyote is hiding behind every damn rock. The desert is a harsh but kind mistress the days are hot as hell and the nights are cold as a corpse’s hands. Luckily I got my horse to keep me some company. Talking about the night it seems the stars have fallen upon us. I made camp near a small Spring and quenched my thirst. I have to admit I still struggle to start the campfire. My father never quite taught me how to do it properly. I chewed on some tobacco and played down to try and catch some shut-eye. I sleep with my rifle on my chest… been doing it since my father gave it to me when I was a kid. Right as I was about to fall asleep I heard a ruckus and I quickly rose with my rifle ready to shoot. And there I saw some coyote making ready to attack me and make me his next meal. I didn’t hesitate to shoot the bastard. He went down as soon as he lunged to attack me. I must have got him in the lungs because the fucker was still alive although he was dying in agony. I shot again and put him out of his misery. Sweat was running down my face as I started laughing. Here I am chasing some outlaw and I was about to get killed by a coyote even before I got there….oh the irony. Safe to say I didn’t get much sleep that night. And what little sleep I did get was ruined by the damned sunlight. I stood up early in the morning and saddled up yet again. I will leave the coyote here for the vultures. Chapter II Flagstaff U.S.A Alas, I have reached Flagstaff. From a distance, it looks like your ordinary boom town. Nothing too special. I arrived just in good time it seems. I don’t think my poor horse would take any more of this riding. I sure have been riding him hard. I approached the town from the south side using the main street. The town is bustling with people, cattle, and stagecoaches. I however can feel some eyes on me. Maybe it’s just paranoia kicking in…I hope it’s just paranoia. Flagstaff is pretty recent but it already has a good number of businesses and the railroad is coming here next year. That sure explains all them pacific union railroad workers. It’s a bustling city all things considered and a good place to lay low, which may explain why my good friend Curtis came here. Now for the hard part…finding the damned Worm. So naturally, I headed towards the nearest saloon. You can’t hunt on a dry throat. As I hitched my horse and I looked up and saw the name of the saloon….” Smoking Coyote” it was called I grinned as it reminded me of my close encounter with death last night. I approached the door and checked my gun before making my entrance. From what I could see from the outside the saloon was a bit old. It looked older than the town itself. I then proceeded to enter the establishment and the smell of booze hit me right away. There were a few patrons so I lowered my hat and made my way towards the bar while examining each one of the patrons looking for my man. There were 4 old men playing poker, I did not pay attention to them since they were too old to be my man. A few more patrons were drinking at the tables, but none even resembled Curtis. As I reached the bar I noticed an old-timer talking to the barkeep. I sat on a stool by the bar looked up and said, “Shot o’ scotch”. The barkeep looked at me and answered “Right away partner.” The barkeep was a huge unit of a man. It was clear he had seen a lot during his life. He had a bald head and a majestic beard slapped in his face. As he reached for the bottle I noticed the big scar on his cheek. He must have noticed I was looking because he promptly asked “Nasty thing uh?”, “How did you get it?” said I. The old-timer that was beside me laughed turned on his stool and said “Siloh”. “Damn straight,” said the barkeep. “I rode with Grant for 3 years there about”. “THE general Grant?” said I as the two old-timers laughed up at my expression. “I said Grant, not Lincoln boy,” said the barman still grinning. “I got it off some greyback in an ugly bayonet fight, he cut my face so I cut up his chest”. “Hey I never saw you ‘round here before boah…you with them railroad people Mister….?” Said the old man next to me. “Woodhull…Alexander Woodhull and no I’m not with the railroad people….im just passing through here really.”, “Ah, I see…well name’s Patrick Shaw and that behind the bar is Mister Turnbull.” Mr.Shaw seemed to be around his late 60’s, he was a true Irish gentleman mighty odd he was too. I had noticed his accent before. “Where in Ireland are you from Mr.Shaw?”. I asked. In response he downed his shot and happily replied “Haha Cork my friend where else?.” “Came here in 48’ so I did.”. “Yeah and he already drank half the country’s supply of liquor” said the barkeep. These two fellas didn’t seem that bad, so I asked them for help finding that old rattlesnake Curtis. “Hey before I skip town I was thinking of paying a visit to a good friend of mine…I heard he lives around here,” said I. “Oh yeah?.... What’s his name.” Said the barkeep while cleaning up a shot glass. I approached my head and muttered, “Goodwill is his name”. As I muttered his name I noticed some young man clumsily lift from his table and run outside. “Well I’m sure you will find your friend is wherever that fella is running to.” Said the barkeep. I got up, paid up for my drink, and quickly said my goodbyes. Chapter III The hunt It seems my carelessness cost me the element of surprise but sure as shit when I reached outside I still got a glimpse of the kid. Now I’m sure that isn’t Curtis so it must be one of his goons. I ran after him and in my stupidity, I forgot my horse at the saloon where I had my damned rifle. I guess my six-shooter will have to do. I took chase to the little fucker through the main road. Bastard kept throwing stuff my way but I didn’t let up. Our little marathon drew more attention than I would like as the town’s folk were all attracted to the two madmen running through the streets. We ran for quite a while, jumping boxes and barrels. The fucker tried to lose me by cutting through alleys but I stook right behind him, “Stop running or I swear I will shoot you kid.” The kid only answered “Never”. So we kept running, In our running, I noticed he didn’t have a gun on him so I couldn’t just shoot him in cold blood. I will say this the kid was quite the athlete and he knew the town pretty well. At a certain point, we barged through the front door of a barbershop and got out through the back door leading to the stables. Now for a moment, I had lost him in that mess they call stables. Till I spotted him hiding behind a horse “You stop right there” I shouted but that just made the little bastard take off. And take off He did. Luckily for me, he didn’t run for much longer as we got near a few houses at the edge of town the kid started screaming “PA, PA THE LAW IS COMING”. He barged inside of a small wooden house and closed the door behind him. Now I knew that Curtis must be inside that house. I stepped up to the house. And as I looked around me I noticed that the whole town had come out to see what just in the hell was going on. “Curtis Goodwill I’m here for you. Come out With your hands up and let’s keep this civil.” I got no answer. “My name is Alexander Woodhull and I’m here to collect a bounty on your head, now if possible I would like to deliver you alive but I won’t hesitate to kill you if you try to run.” After I said that more silence ensued but that silence was broken by a voice coming from inside the house. “You damned son of a bitch, You scare and chase MY fucking kid, come to MY house for MY head and expect to keep things civil? You damned government dog.” Curtis then proceeded to kick the front door of his own home and came face to face with me. He stood on his porch looked at me and said “You damned bastard after all I have done to change my ways, YOU come in here and make me use a gun in the presence of my kid.” He said as he looked down on me like a wolf. “I’m not making you use a gun and as for you changing your ways Curtis, There is no forgiveness NO amount of change that can fix the shit you did.” Curtis was even more angered by my comment and he replied, “No forgiveness for what? Fighting to feed your, family?”. “How does killing innocent folk feed your family Curtis?” and then more silence Curtis and I just stood there looking each other in the eye for a good minute. Chapter IV Redemption Of the Damned I guess that Curtis was done waiting however “Fuck this shit, Get him, boys.” He shouted. Right after saying that two men appeared on the Windows of the house and started shooting at me with their repeaters. I jumped on the floor and crawled to behind some boxes. And as I was there taking cover with bullets grazing me I thought “Is this is, is this how my life ends?”, “What the hell was I thinking going up against these people unprepared.” As I looked around I saw the townsfolk screaming and running shouting for the law. But the law didn’t come. I said, “Fuck it I ain’t dying here not today.” I looked to the right and saw a coach so I waited for them to reload and ran. I crossed to the coach guns blazing shooting in the direction of the house. That’s when I hit one of them since I heard Curtis shout “This fucker got Thomas.” I couldn’t believe it I hit something. I had never killed but I had no time to dwell in it for there were 2 other bastards still firing and one of their bullets had my name on it. I opened the door to the coach and got myself inside. I broke one of the Windows And that got their attention so they started raining down on me again. So I started raining down on them as well At one point the 3 of us had to reload our guns and as we did Curtis broke silence “Still alive boy?”, I laughed and answered, “I’m still here Curtis”. And as I said that I peaked out of the coach’s window and shot into one of the Windows. “My fucking arm” I heard. I had now wounded one of them. But that just made them even madder as they started raining down on me. The coach was like swiss cheese at this point. But I held that position at one point one of them rushed outside the house while grabbing his arm screaming “You are gonna pay for this you dog.” The mad man came running in my direction while shooting his six-shooter. “Get back here Dereck what the hell are you doing?” asked Curtis. I start shooting at the man but he just kept coming, 2 of my bullets missed 3 of them hit but he just kept coming. He was coming at me like a crazy bull luckily Curtis stopped firing his gun for fear of hitting his friend. I had one bullet left, I had to hit it or that crazed fucker would just kill me so I aimed and shot him right in the forehead….He kept coming just as he got his hands on the coach’s door however he collapsed on the ground. The fury in that men’s eyes, the life in that men’s eyes just gone. It was me and Curtis now. I was done hiding at this point. I had no interest in bringing Curtis in alive. I loaded my gun and In a moment of brave stupidity I kicked the coach’s door open and screamed “IM ALEXANDER WOODHULL” as I was jumping out of the coach however I tripped in the corpse of Curti’s friend and fell to the ground. As I hit the ground however so did the arm I was holding my gun with. I accidentally pulled the trigger and as I got up I saw Curtis looking at me. Horror in his face, his White shirt became red and he fell to the ground. I don’t know if it was luck or divine providence but in my fall I had shot him. I stood up and without saying a word or showing any emotion I went to pick up my hat as I did I saw the townfolk looking at me in awe. As I put the hat on my head I heard a voice Say “PA, PA GET UP PA.” I looked behind me and there it was Curti’s son laying over the corpse of his dead father. I felt bad and ashamed. I wanted to vomit. I wanted to go up to that kid and apologize but I just stood there in silence. Chapter V We that remain As I was still processing what just had happened I heard a voice say “Just what the fuck is going on here?” As I looked behind me I saw the town’s sheriff, Shotgun in hand, and 3 of his deputies with six-shooters.”You better explain why the hell is there 3 dead bodies in my fucking town boah.” I looked at him in the eyes and said “I came to catch a bounty”. The sheriff grinned at me and said “Did ya now? You got any proof?” As I reached for my back pocket the sheriff aimed his shotgun at me to make sure I didn’t try to draw on him. I took off Curti’s wanted poster and handed it to the sheriff. The sheriff spit on the ground and started Reading the poster “Looks like you earned yourself 7$ eh? What about those other 2 though?” the sheriff asked. “They drew on me so I shot them, Sir,” I answered. The sheriff nodded and handed me back the papers. “Killing machine you are. Killing 3 men in a firefight”. Said one of the deputies with the sheriff. I answered with “My father always taught me that God created men but Samuel Colt made them equal”. “Well said “ answered the sheriff. The sheriff motioned me to follow him and as I did follow him I heard a voice calling. “Mr.Woodhull, Mr.Woodhull.” as I looked to see who was calling me I saw the Irishman from the saloon leading my horse by the hand “So how did that meeting with your friend go?” he asked. “We had a bit of an argument” I answered. The Irish man laughed and handed me my horse. “You forgot your beast outsider the saloon friend.” Said the Irish man. I thanked him and followed the sheriff who took me into his office. As we walked in one deputy was sleeping at the front desk. The sheriff slammed his hand on the table and said “Donovan wake up right now. We got a man here to get paid.” The deputy jumped out of his said and promptly said, “Yes sir”. “It’s 7$ dollars,” I told the deputy. The sheriff looked at the deputy and said “Curtis” The deputy nodded his head and went to a room on the right where the Money is kept. When he returned he handed me the Money. “You can count it if you want,” said the deputy. I did and I counted the 7$ dollars. I thanked the lawmen there and got outside. As I saddled up on my horse the sheriff asked “Where ya heading now?”. “Durango that’s where I hang my hat.” The sheriff wished me safe travels and so we parted. As I traveled back with my pockets richer I could not unsee the faces of the men I had fallen. All the bounties I had picked up were minor. I never had to kill anyone but I need the Money damn it. I kept telling myself the men I killed were murderers and thieves and so my actions were justified but deep down I felt that what I just did was wrong somehow. Those days of traveling alone through the desert gave me time to think about life and death. Being alone with your thoughts is a dangerous thing. I cried myself to sleep some nights but by my journey’s end, I had accepted what had happened. I reached Durango around 9 pm. As I rode into town, the locals who knew me well greeted me. Locals who watched me grow into the man I have become today. I hitched my horse at the “Thirsty Devil”. And went inside. The place was full as usual. Working girls luring old men to their rooms, men playing poker and drinking. I was home. I walked towards the barkeep, a man named Gordon. “Hey Woodhull I had heard you went to Arizona to catch some bandito, how did that deal go.” I looked at Gordon and just asked for a drink, Gordon nodded and poured me a glass of whisky. After I drank the glass I looked at Gordon and asked “Is Sally working tonight?” Gordon looked at me and answered, “She should be just done with a client I will tell her you have arrived.” I nodded and waited. As we did Gordon’s kid came over to us and said “Miss Sally is free now.” I waved at Gordon and went up the stairs and into Sally’s room. And there she was my Sally, putting on some of her makeup and arranging her hair. Her shoes and stockings at the foot of the bed, The moonlight shined down on her. Her hair was red as the fire that raged in my heart for her. Her lips are sweet as honey. Her smile was like a rose in June. I must have stood there just gazing at her for a full minute. I eventually knocked on the side of the door and said “Sally?”. Sally turned at me with a big smile on her face. She got up from her chair and ran towards me. She embraced me…right there at that moment I hoped that time could stop and we could embrace for eternity. Sally looked up at me and said “Alexander I missed you so much.” She closed the door behind me and went over to the window in her room. “I had this dreadful feeling…that something bad would happen to you….I didn’t think my heart could take it.” As I sat on her bed I looked at her and told her “I made us 7 dollars Sally….A few more and we can buy a house far away from here and you can finally be free and end this life”. Sally sat with me and took my hand “Alexander I told you to drop those Ideas….Find yourself a proper woman, I am already lost”. I looked Sally in the eyes and said “Sally I would never leave you here, I love you.” Sally stood up with tears in her eyes “You can’t keep putting your life on the line for me Alexander, you can’t risk your life for a …..whore.” I quickly stood up and turned her head towards mine “You are not a whore damn it, I love you Sally and if that means I got to turn to bounty hunting to make us a living then so be it.” Sally rested her head against my chest and answered, “Oh Alex…Dying ain’t no way to make a living”. At that moment when she looked at me, I kissed her…and with that kiss, I told myself “This killing is all for her” Her lips were sweeter than wine. We sat on the bed and I put out the candle. I felt her soft pale skin…the sweet sound of my name coming from her. And that at that moment I KNEW its all for her. If I had to kill 500 men for her I would. If I had to kill 1000 men I would. Even if that condemned me to hell. For we are all damned since the moment of our birth.