[LSDA] Taking the Oath - New District Attorney in Los Santos

[Bospy]

 

April 24th, 2022

SWEARING IN OF INTERIM DISTRICT ATTORNEY TERENTIY SHWETZ

 

Following the unexpected resignation of Gary Michalchuk, a special committee has appointed seasoned Deputy District Attorney Terentiy Shwetz as his replacement in the interim until elections can be held. Terentiy Shwetz served closely with Mister Michalchuk, and followed his mandate, truly, to be the Law Office of the People and the champions of justice within the city of Los Santos.

 

Terentiy Shwetz was sworn in this morning and gave a short speech to observers about the direction of the Office. He spoke candidly.

 

"I see today a new dawn for liberty and justice within the city of Los Santos. It is my mandate to be a representative and personal lawyer for the victims of crimes within this city, and I will carry out the functions of this position faithfully and with firm conviction to ensure that the citizens of Los Santos County are safe and secure. Beyond that, we must ensure our city appreciates its diversity, and the Law Office of the People shall work judiciously to equitable outcomes for all persons in the system. We want to see rehabilitation at a large scale, and that starts at the District Attorney's Office."

 

District Attorney's Office

 

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COMMENTS PERMITTED BUT CONTENT MODERATED.

[Gamble]

Username: boomannis2847

Comment:  

> DA personal assistant arrested for prostitution

> unexpected resignation??

 

Hope this new DA takes prostitution more seriously!

[imi]

Username: KoopaTroopaFan

 

Comment:  Koopa

[liq]

Username: Real10-8

Comment: My dream is for this letter to serve as a beacon of freedom, justice, and liberty to all people. Instead of focusing on why we must carry within us a faithful monitor persuading us to whatsoever in conduct is gentle, honorable, and of good repute, I would like to remind people that the most dangerous form of propaganda is that which does not appear to be propaganda. It is that form at which Mr. Gary Michalchuk excels. For example, Gary has long been trying to convince us that there’s nothing wrong with his effecting complete and total control over every human being on the planet. Gary’s chauvinistic artifices promote teetotalism with all of its bellicose and quisquilious facets: greed, self interest, narrow-mindedness, and most of all, stupidity. You may find it amusing or even titillating to read about Gary’s squibs, but they’re not amusing to me. They’re deeply troubling. Come on, Gary; I know you’re capable of thoughtful social behavior. Did it ever occur to him that maybe nothing appears more plausible at first sight, nor more ill-founded and jejune upon closer inspection, than his teachings? Dream on. Did he get dropped on his head when he was young, or did Gary take massive doses of drugs to believe that a knowledge of correct diction, even if unused, evinces a superiority that covers cowardice or stupidity? Well, we all know the answer to that question, don’t we? In case you don’t, you should note that I cannot compromise with him; he is without principles. I cannot reason with him; he is without reason. But I can warn him and with a warning he must undeniably take to heart: It’s really not bloody-mindedness that compels me to ask the tough questions and not shy away from the tough answers. It’s my sense of responsibility to you, the reader.

 

I don’t know how to say this delicately so I’ll just say it: None of Gary’s ideas are the least bit original. Gary simply stole, rehashed, and re-branded perennial knowledge as his own in an attempt to convince the public that there exists evidence that advertising is the most veridical form of human communication. Granted, there may be some originality in being so bumptious, but the point remains that Gary’s phalanx of pestilential suborners of perjury corrupts everybody who comes close to it. It cannot be reformed; it can only be dismantled. I propose beginning this dismantling process by leading protests against Gary’s vexatious animadversions. Imagine a thousand people shouting in unison, What do we want? To speak up and speak out against Gary! When do we want it? Now! Okay, perhaps a pithier slogan would help, but my observations are perhaps unique. But this is something to be filed away for future letters. At present, I wish to focus on only one thing: the fact that Gary is typical of hideous, vile doomsday prophets in his wild invocations to the irrational, the magic, and the fantastic to dramatize his hastily mounted campaigns.

 

Gary is bad enough when he’s alone, but he’s even worse when he’s joined by childish mouthpieces for yawping, filthy tribalism. So what if he hates me for pointing out that he’s the most malapert, footling deadhead ever vomited out of the jaws of Hell? Let him hate me. I consider such hatred a mark of honor, a mark of distinction. Must it be explained to him that with their polyloquent, unsophisticated politics, he and his understrappers function as irresponsible destabilizers of world order? Because he obviously doesn’t realize that whenever he gives a speech, he is always careful to sidestep the issue of how his serfs are the sadistic scandalmongers of the modern age. That’s the sort of statement that some people profess is repressive but which I believe is merely a statement of fact. And it’s a statement that needs to be made because for some odd reason, he believes that he has the moral authority to dictate how other people should conduct themselves in private. His unasinous protégés, who believe likewise, also fail to see that Gary demands that his flimflams be discussed in only the most positive light. To ensure that this demand is met, he sends his polity after anyone who fails to show the utmost deference when planting big, wet, sloppy kisses on Gary’s behind. In short, Mr. Gary Michalchuk has been spreading the lie that he can fracture family unity and get away with it. When all is said and done, however, the truth will prevail. Of that we can be assured.

 

May  Michalchuk and all his followers suffer for their crimes. We pray that DA Shwetz serves this state well.