[LSRN] New Crime Store in Vespucci Boosts Local Economy

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Los Santos Reliable Network - The information you need, when you don't need anything.

New Crime Dollar Store in Vespucci Boosts Local Economy

 

BY LUCAS ATMYAS

 

 

Los Santos, SA - On 18h February 2022, local officials and residents of Vespucci celebrated the opening of a brand new shop: the Crime Dollar Store. After being plagued by one-dollar crime, the neighborhood will now enjoy a new way to convert those illegal activites into legitimate revenue with this smart and original concept. 

 

A Dollar Store attracting customers

 

 

Andrew and Frank grew up in Vespucci. Called "Dogtown" by locals attempting to sound edgy or intimidating, the neighborhood has long been plagued by crime. « Many people call Vespucci the Dollar Store of Crime » explained Frank, because of how miserable the crime there is. « Crappy neo-nazis, 12 year old gangster parodies, bullies that wouldn't even belong in satire, ... are all commonplace in Vespucci. » he then elaborated, before explaining his breakthrough, the one that would allow this store to be born.

 

« But we're Americans and America is all about opportunities! Where others saw a fatality and believed Vespucci would remain a stale place with worthless gangsters, we saw an occasion to thrive! ». And so was born the idea of the Crime Dollar Store. Opened this morning, it already boasted hundreds of customers from various walks of life, providing a broad assortment of articles at a very low price.

 

The store sold 1-dollar ash composite baseball bats, for those who want to look intimidating but wouldn't know how to fight anyway. It sold 1-dollar hair clippers, for the many 1-dollar neo-fascists prowling the streets. It sold 1-dollar double-wheat trilby hats for low-quality mafiosi who like to hang in back alleys doing nothing. The store went as far as to cater to a younger clientele, offering "DOGTOWN IS OURS!" T-shirts that can be worn as early as 12 years old! Along with the 1-dollar MAC 10 bullets and the 1-dollar kuttes, the store speaks to anyone living in the beach neighborhood. 

 

Officials were delighted at the addition of this new business, calling it a « brilliant initiative » that can convert illegal interests into proper legitimate revenue, for the few honest citizens who still live there and are still alive. Proof of this success, the owners were robbed four times already, a sign that business is going to be thriving. 

 

 

The Los Santos Reliable Network (LSRN) is a dubious network of suspicious people, providing you with the most less reliable information around. Our articles should be taken as anyone in Vespucci. 

 

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Edited February 18, 2022 by LSRN

[Snoot]

Username: 16MIKE23

Comment: someone got their pockets ran 🤣 get over it

[TEO]

Username: JESSEDAWG

Comment: I'LL RUN UR SHIT LOL

[Ted]

Username: Ted_Roche

Comment: Someone is salty dog ong ong Lucas Atmyas couldn't run a fade to save his life. 

[LSRN]

15 minutes ago, Snoot said:

Username: 16MIKE23

Comment: someone got their pockets ran 🤣 get over it

Username: LSRN Redaction 

Comment: Greetings, and thank you for your comment! We would like to also thank you for your concern regarding Luke, our journalist. Thankfully, he was not attacked, recently or otherwise. As any proper journalist does, he never gets out of his high-rise apartment in upper Vinewood, not even for groceries - those are delivered. We'd like to assert that, as a consequence, there isn't a chance he would ever be in danger, or exposed to real life in any way or form. Best regards, 

[Snoot]

2 minutes ago, LSRN said:

Username: LSRN Redaction 

Comment: Greetings, and thank you for your comment! We would like to also thank you for your concern regarding Luke, our journalist. Thankfully, he was not attacked, recently or otherwise. As any proper journalist does, he never gets out of his high-rise apartment in upper Vinewood, not even for groceries - those are delivered. We'd like to assert that, as a consequence, there isn't a chance he would ever be in danger, or exposed to real life in any way or form. Best regards, 

Username: 16MIKE23

Comment: yeah i thought so n these vinewood chomos better stay inside and away from DT 🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕 for they're own good

[PKMN_trainer]

Username: SHRED_DT

Comment: sounds like u a victim and u mad! nurse that busted lip , lame 😂

[reraroo]

Username: westWood
Comment: wheres andrew wheres frank send location

[Ted]

15 minutes ago, LSRN said:

Username: LSRN Redaction 

Comment: Greetings, and thank you for your comment! We would like to also thank you for your concern regarding Luke, our journalist. Thankfully, he was not attacked, recently or otherwise. As any proper journalist does, he never gets out of his high-rise apartment in upper Vinewood, not even for groceries - those are delivered. We'd like to assert that, as a consequence, there isn't a chance he would ever be in danger, or exposed to real life in any way or form. Best regards, 

Username: Ted_Roche 

Comment: Im downloading UberEats rn bet

[Sim]

Username: MICHAEL_JONES2678

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