[LSRN] LSNN Gives Apology, Foot Massage & Coil Raidens to Police

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LSNN Gives Apology, Foot Massage & Coil Raidens to Police

 

BY RICHARD CHEESE

 

 

Los Santos, SA - On 4h January 2022, after a most unfortunate incident on live TV on LSNN, the TV channel has finally issued an official statement. As an apology for the words uttered by Miss Anna Smith on the 31st of January, every single police, sheriff, fire marshall and park ranger will receive an official apology, a foot massage, and a Coil™ Raiden.

 

Miss Saunders giving our peace keepers their well-earned apology (allegory)

 

 

Words that didn't go unnoticed: this is what started this dreadful and dramatic event. During a routine interview on LSNN Sports, IFC Champion Jackson Hayes was asked by miss Anna Smith why he was late to a previous fight. The explanation was rather absurd: he stated he was arrested by the State Fire Marshalls, allegedly for impersonating them, in a boxing club Mister Hayes didn't even know existed in the first place. The fact that he was arrested without cause and denied some of his miranda rights prompted the presenter to make a most unwelcome comment, about fascism.

 

This was the spark that created a massive fire of outrage across the entire LSNN show floor and redaction. « Listen, I can accept jailing people for no reason, but I draw the line at nasty words! » one of the LSNN journalists remarked with a wet eye and a trembling mouth. They all knew something had to be done, and switly so. This message reached LSNN main host and wax doll, Carry Saunders, who quickly took to the air in order to issue a public apology. 

 

A few days later, an official LSNN statement came in, adding in a foot massage for every single law enforcement officer in San Andreas, along with a brand new Coil™ Raiden car. « I feel this is the least we could do, » explained miss Saunders who was kind enough to reply to our inquiries, between two canthoplasties. « Those are the most manly men in the entire state, they could never survive something like harsh words uttered by a random woman they don't know! We have to protect them as if they were made of glass, because of how muscly and strong they are. » she then concluded.

 

In the absence of any official communication from the LSPD or LSSD, we approached them, asking for their input on the situation. « They said what now...? I mean we get called a lot worse around South Central all day long, who gives a shit... especially after the riots, we got better things to do than be pissed at a rando on a sports channel nobody watches. » a representative stated for us, off the record. « Also who the fuck is Anna Smith anyway? » he then wondered, showing how much this incident profoundly scarred the entire police force. Thankfully, the delivery of the cars and massages should come within the next 14 days, calming this fully understandable ire. 

 

 

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Edited February 4, 2022 by LSRN

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