LSRN Posted December 8, 2021 Share Posted December 8, 2021 (edited) Los Santos Reliable Network - The information you need, when you don't need anything. Port Authority Checkpoint In Front Of Your Toilet BY MICHAEL ROTCH Los Santos, SA - On 8th December 2021, you probably noticed several concrete blocks set in front of your bathroom door, along with a checkpoint and a barrier. As you tried to go and relieve yourself, the man inside the booth denied you access, explaining that you now have to justify your presence there - here is why. Your bathroom, this morning Thanks to the San Andreas Port Authority (SAPR), the LS port has now become a model in the entertainment industry. Indeed, the place used to be rather bland with trucking companies coming to load in pallets, or the occasional gangster attempting to flee the police. However, after a thorough market study, the SAPR realized they could not only compete with the famous Walt Disney Resorts, but take the entire entertainment park industry over. Therefore the port has been turned into a much more entertaining area, laid with several attractions: surprise concrete blocks laid on the road, barriers too low for trucks to pass safely, or even randomly closed barriers that lock down any access to major bridges and paths. The great success of this endeavor was such that it was praised by all the logistics companies in San Andreas, the director of IMEX even describing it as « A metaverse-like experience, more intense than watching Blade Runner 2049 on meth with the TV contrast set to maximum ». This success has led them to expand their activities with new blockades and checkpoints being set up in areas such as Banning and Rancho, or more recently, your bathroom. Indeed, from now on, should you need to relieve yourself, an SAPR checkpoint will have to be passed. In order to keep an element of surprise in your day, the checkpoint may be randomly and completely closed, thus making you go take that shit in your neighbor's toilet instead. While you may be furious about some specific points, rest assured those are already addressed! Regarding the narrow 0.4 feet passage that is left between the concrete blocks, SAPR management assured that « anyone of a reasonable weight and size can fit, with some effort », thus encouraging a healthier lifestyle. As for you finding it very annoying to have that mess in your corridor, they remarked that « only someone who walks WAY too fast and unsafely would say anything like that... ». So do you walk unsafely? Food for thoughts. You'd better ask yourself the right questions instead of blaming those making your apartment both funnier and safer. In the meantime, we will make sure to let you know how this develops: we're told another checkpoint with cameras will be set up in front of your computer soon enough. The Los Santos Reliable Network (LSRN) is a dubious network of suspicious people, providing you with the most less reliable information around. Our articles are should be taken as seriously as an MMA fighter who "definitely doesn't use stimulants". Comment on FaceBrowser: https://face.gta.world/posts/195647 Comment on our website: > Comments are enabled Username: Comment: Edited December 8, 2021 by LSRN 3 2 Link to comment
joshua Posted December 8, 2021 Share Posted December 8, 2021 Username: FreeEagle Comment: Are you serious? Did they really do this? Who the fuck do they think they are to try and control when I do and don’t use my OWN TOILET… I knew they were the bottom of the barrel, but this is a new low. I’ll be protesting their actions here, I am fucking disgusted. Who funds these projects??? Link to comment
Zach.. Posted December 8, 2021 Share Posted December 8, 2021 Username: ConstitutiNLover Comment: These tyrants have gone unchecked for too long. They even wear lapel mics on fleece jackets! 1 Link to comment
Andrew Bones Posted December 8, 2021 Share Posted December 8, 2021 Username: sapr Comment: wtf is sapr also o no port authority bad they put up roadblocks !!! how could they!! 😱😱😱 yall too funny frfr Link to comment
NexusExodus Posted December 8, 2021 Share Posted December 8, 2021 Username: Hank Preston Comment: Please refrain from using the bathroom. 1 2 Link to comment
PeopleKind Posted December 8, 2021 Share Posted December 8, 2021 Username: wat Comment: ik this is a troll but dont disgrace the park rangers by comparing them to the glorified mall cops that is the port authority Link to comment
eden ღ Posted December 8, 2021 Share Posted December 8, 2021 (edited) Username: GraceWynnComment: Embrace the metaverse. Edited December 8, 2021 by Grace ♡ Link to comment
moulton Posted December 8, 2021 Share Posted December 8, 2021 Username: RayBerg Comment: Kind of crazy that it took the SAPR more time to get recognized than a Port Authority security force. :') Link to comment
imi Posted December 8, 2021 Share Posted December 8, 2021 Username: BIG_BLACK Comment: GOD BLESS OUR TROOPS Link to comment
TommyX Posted December 10, 2021 Share Posted December 10, 2021 Username: User753Comment: Wait... isn't SAPR park rangers?!?? Link to comment
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