Character Application denied as the final warning because character story portrayal is unrealistic

[Drekko]

The server is one sided as you can tell. Not once did my story seem unrealistic if you take the time to read it. I am currently banned though after insulting BaileyG. Which is fine I can accept the consequences, but what I can't accept is the biased of what determines a realistic character story or not. I live in America I see this shit a lot. My cousin is from Flatbush, Brooklyn NYC. I know what it's like there cause he tells me. And he gangbangs. I was also denied because the story was not long it states at least 2 paragraphs. A paragraph is four sentences.  In case the foreigners do not know what a throw away is, I'll explain it. A throw way gun is usually a gun with the serial number scratched off or a second hand gun that was stolen.   Young kids jump off the porch at the age of 12 to 15. So, how is my story not realistic?  The character isn't fit for our strict server, please re-write your story again. Server is one sided. I don't give a fuck. You tell me if you agree or not.

 

My story:  

   I will be portraying a teenager trapped in the government system of welfare and project housing. Crishuan Taylor was born in NYC Brooklyn in a borough called Flatbush, and the area is known to be a gang area to the CHOOs, known as GDs. Crishuan's father is incarcerated for first-degree murder. Crishuan's mother is a drug addict, addicted to smoking crack. At the age of fourteen, Crishuan jumped off the porch. A term in the hood for getting into illegal activities. He sold weed at his high school.  On his way home from school, he got jumped and robbed. They took several grams of weed he had on him, along with cash.
    Crishuan had anger after that incident. He asked around if anyone knew anything about the situation.  Crishuan got a throw-way ruger with four bullets into the clip serial number was scratched off. He got it from someone he knew who sold guns in an alley. He got it for protection as he fears getting jumped and robbed again. He never ends up finding out who jumped him and robbed him. 
    Crishuan's mother overdosed on crack four months later when he turned fifteen years old. He was taken under CPS for a while until his grandmother received a call he was in CPS. In Los Santos, California, his grandmother lived in Davis, and she brought him down from NYC to Los Santos.  Crishuan now lives with his grandmother in the projects. Due to her getting financial assistance from the government welfare and housing. Crishuan has flaws; he can seem disrespectful, paranoid, greedy, and selfish.

[Cartoonhead]

You really wrote all that just to say " I'm mad and salty." ? Fair enough.

[Drekko]

4 minutes ago, Cartoonhead said:

You really wrote all that just to say " I'm mad and salty." ? Fair enough.

Lol no I'm not mad and salty, in fact I give two fucks. I'm just trying to prove a point how biased staff really is. And change needs to be made in the staff. 

[GambloTwitch]

Hey, man. There are plenty of admins, helpers, who are happy to tell you the reasonings behind the denial.

Have you tried to contact them? Or did you straight post in a public section about it?

[Drekko]

1 minute ago, GambloTwitch said:

Hey, man. There are plenty of admins, helpers, who are happy to tell you the reasonings behind the denial.

Have you tried to contact them? Or did you straight post in a public section about it?

Yeah the reasoning is the character story is unrealistic and does not fit for our server.  I don't really care about playing on world. I just wanted to post to show everyone how biased they are. 

[DasFroggy]

33 minutes ago, Drekko said:

I was also denied because the story was not long it states at least 2 paragraphs. A paragraph is four sentences. 

 

You personally do not see any issue with applying the absolute minimum in an application? To be clear, this application process is to help determine if you want to bring quality roleplay to this community...

 

...and your first act here is to try and submit as little quality as possible, down to exploring legal definitions in order to ensure the absolute bate minimum.

 

That is... uh... definitely something.

[Drekko]

16 minutes ago, DasFroggy said:

 

You personally do not see any issue with applying the absolute minimum in an application? To be clear, this application process is to help determine if you want to bring quality roleplay to this community...

 

...and your first act here is to try and submit as little quality as possible, down to exploring legal definitions in order to ensure the absolute bate minimum.

 

That is... uh... definitely something.

Wanna know something my admin record clean as fuck. My UCP got deleted and I try to create a new one. So, yeah that's something right? Not bad for 2 hours daily playing.

Edited October 19, 2021 by Drekko

[DasFroggy]

1 minute ago, Drekko said:

Wanna know something my admin record clean as fuck. My UCP got deleted and I try to create a new one. So, yeah that's something right?

 

Clean or not, you literally resorted to a legal definition to try and excuse yourself from writing more than the bare minimum. 

 

There's a few issues with the story too, like the gun; the acquisition is mentioned, but then it just drops off the radar. Where did it go? It definitely won't be there when your character starts roleplaying server-side, so there's no harm in conjuring an explanation as to how he lost it.

 

The grammar definitely needs work, and the overall narrative is bare bones. There's a LOT that could be added to beef this story up and get well beyond the two paragraph minimum. One way to really find that extra beef, is by asking questions.

 

- Did he have friends?

- What were his hobbies?

- Any shows he liked to watch?

- What did he do with the money he earned selling weed?

- Where did he get the weed? How did he learn of this source?

- Did he ever visit his father?

- Did he know anyone else with connections to his father?

- What was the buildup that pushed him over the edge and into a life of crime? A lot of doctors, lawyers, military officers, and even authors experienced issues during their upbringing, and never resorted to crime. What pushed your character away from these other outlets for his frustrations?

- Was he pressured by others? If so, who?

 

For some additional layering and maybe some flavor, build character stories around the people he knew growing up. His parents didn't just blink into existence, they had childhoods, ambitions, histories, and relations too. How did they get together? What were their passions? Where did they grow up? 

 

You absolutely need to improve your character background, as a number of the sentences don't really contribute anything to who he is now; it's just filler to reach the bare minimum paragraph count.

 

My other qualms don't really tick any boxes for denial, but you should improve the dictation, stop making the story about what happens to him and a little bit more about how these happenings changed him, and the ripples these events had in his life and the lives of those around him. Did someone see the robbery? Did they help, or so nothing? How did your character feel when witnesses did/didn't help him?

 

Also, take your source's input with a grain of salt, it's almost American tradition now to know that guns use magazines, not clips.

[Drekko]

2 minutes ago, DasFroggy said:

 

Clean or not, you literally resorted to a legal definition to try and excuse yourself from writing more than the bare minimum. 

 

There's a few issues with the story too, like the gun; the acquisition is mentioned, but then it just drops off the radar. Where did it go? It definitely won't be there when your character starts roleplaying server-side, so there's no harm in conjuring an explanation as to how he lost it.

 

The grammar definitely needs work, and the overall narrative is bare bones. There's a LOT that could be added to beef this story up and get well beyond the two paragraph minimum. One way to really find that extra beef, is by asking questions.

 

- Did he have friends?

- What were his hobbies?

- Any shows he liked to watch?

- What did he do with the money he earned selling weed?

- Where did he get the weed? How did he learn of this source?

- Did he ever visit his father?

- Did he know anyone else with connections to his father?

- What was the buildup that pushed him over the edge and into a life of crime? A lot of doctors, lawyers, military officers, and even authors experienced issues during their upbringing, and never resorted to crime. What pushed your character away from these other outlets for his frustrations?

- Was he pressured by others? If so, who?

 

For some additional layering and maybe some flavor, build character stories around the people he knew growing up. His parents didn't just blink into existence, they had childhoods, ambitions, histories, and relations too. How did they get together? What were their passions? Where did they grow up? 

 

You absolutely need to improve your character background, as a number of the sentences don't really contribute anything to who he is now; it's just filler to reach the bare minimum paragraph count.

 

My other qualms don't really tick any boxes for denial, but you should improve the dictation, stop making the story about what happens to him and a little bit more about how these happenings changed him, and the ripples these events had in his life and the lives of those around him. Did someone see the robbery? Did they help, or so nothing? How did your character feel when witnesses did/didn't help him?

 

Also, take your source's input with a grain of salt, it's almost American tradition now to know that guns use magazines, not clips.

A lot to write, none that i read, but good try anyways. I appreciate the effort, so A for effort.

[Auntie]

In my personal opinion the background story was all over the place and poorly written. I can see where you were trying to go with it but it was too scattered to piece the puzzle together. Your character is missing a big factor of development and progression just by reading the application. Some advice I'd give is to skip the minuscule details such as "crushaun got throw away ruger with 4 bullets in the clip". How did he obtain the gun? 4 bullets? You then said your character has flaws because his grandmother was on government assistance. Just because you receive government assistance doesn't automatically make you have "flaws" realistically and justify you being hardcore. I'd contact the admin regarding the UCP issue but I recommend scratching this entire story and starting over. I don't mind helping you if you need more pointers and tips.