Al-Malikah Posted September 28, 2020 Share Posted September 28, 2020 (edited) The 'Winners' Where are they now? The sun sets on this election cycle. Both Charles Galloway and Oswald Halford sweep the remaining crumbs of cocaine from their respective large mahogany desks and prepare their battle-mechs for the Mayoral race next month, realizing almost instantly that they can now comfortably not answer any of losing candidates calls ever again unless they are particularly wealthy. A new day dawns on Los Santos, a new day where half the council is Red, the other half is Blue, and one hundred percent of the citizens are just curious what they will actually do for them. The Los Santos Vixen was curious about that question as well. We tracked down the winners and interrogated them on their plans after the big win! © 2020 Los Santos Vixen. All fights deserved. Candidate: Jonathan Spencer (R) District Representative for the Northern District Where we found him: Lurking masked under the bleachers at ULSA. What are your plans? "Oh-ho Jonny-boy is just enjoying a little 'me-time' right now. Pass that bottle of lotion for me and give me a little privacy." Candidate: Tanya Sun (D) District Representative for the Western District Where we found her: In the bathroom mirror of the iSeoul Cafe after saying her name thrice. What are your plans? "Prossssssssssssssssssperiiiittty" Ms. Sun then vanished into thin air after the lightbulb flickered. Candidate: Alex Flynn (R) District Representative for the Central District Where we found him: Desperately trying to be recognized at a coffee shop What are your plans? "Wait? You recognize me? Thank god, people keep saying I only won because of my whole opponent beating his girlf-" We got incredibly bored and decided to move onto the next winner. Apologies. Candidate: George Valencia (D) District Representative for the Eastern District Where we found him: Actively choking out a prostitute in the Havana Sauna with a permanent smile. What are your plans? "Fuck bitches, get money." Candidate: Wallace Abbasi (D) District Representative for the Southern District, Ayatollah of Los Santos. Where we found him: Shedding his 'human' skin after his mid-morning prayer. . What are your plans? "<:// SHARIALAW.exe initialize. 01001001 00100111 01101101 00100000 01100001 01101100 01110011 01101111 00100000 01101100 01101111 01101111 01101011 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01110100 01100001 01101011 01100101 00100000 01110011 01101111 01101101 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101001 01101101 01100101 00100000 01101111 01100110 01100110 00100000 01101010 01110101 01110011 01110100 00100000 01100110 01101111 01110010 00100000 01101101 01100101 00101100 00100000 01111001 00100111 01101011 01101110 01101111 01110111 00111111 >" Candidate: Joseph Hoffman (R) District Representative for Blaine County Where we found him: Fully inebriated outside of a Waffle Hut at 6:20 AM What are your plans? "Wai-wai-wai-wait yersay'n -hic- I'm the fuckin' mayor?" Disclaimer: Spoiler LS Vixen (bitch ass) Disclaimer The LS Vixen is a satire, parody, commentary, critique, news reporting and scholarly web publication, which may or may not use actual names often in quasi-real and/or fictitious narration. Any resemblance to the truth is purely coincidental, except for all references to politicians, celebrities and/or other personalities that are critiqued and/or commented upon, in which case they are based on real people, but still based almost entirely in fiction. -> Comments are enabled Quote Username: Comment: ADD US ON FACEBROWSER OR PERISH. Edited September 28, 2020 by Al-Malikah grammar, edited to correct Abbasi's title 12 1 Link to comment
Gryphboi Posted September 28, 2020 Share Posted September 28, 2020 Username: wahhabiwarlord55 Comment: FAKE NEWS, WALLACE ABBASI IS THE RIGHTFUL IMAM LOS SANTOS DESERVES. Link to comment
Al-Malikah Posted September 28, 2020 Author Share Posted September 28, 2020 (edited) 1 minute ago, Gryphboi said: Username: wahhabiwarlord55 Comment: FAKE NEWS, WALLACE ABBASI IS THE RIGHTFUL IMAM LOS SANTOS DESERVES. Username: LSVIXEN Comment: Making the correction now, love. Thank you for your submission! VPN through Morocco Edited September 28, 2020 by Al-Malikah Link to comment
Reece? Posted September 28, 2020 Share Posted September 28, 2020 Just now, Gryphboi said: Username: wahhabiwarlord55 Comment: FAKE NEWS, WALLACE ABBASI IS THE RIGHTFUL IMAM LOS SANTOS DESERVES. Username: wallahisgod Comment Mashallah brother. Link to comment
Valkyria Posted September 28, 2020 Share Posted September 28, 2020 Username: AMX AC Comment: I hope Wallace isn't really a mean robot. Link to comment
RSanders Posted September 29, 2020 Share Posted September 29, 2020 Username: talik.albashir786 Comment: alhumdillah, praises be to brother wallace for beating the kaffir ortiz. rise the brothers of los santos Link to comment
apothecalypse Posted September 29, 2020 Share Posted September 29, 2020 Username: redrose Comment: This made my day. Thank you! Link to comment
bonk Posted September 29, 2020 Share Posted September 29, 2020 Username: SwagMeister420 Comment: I voted the woman beater Link to comment
Sim Posted September 29, 2020 Share Posted September 29, 2020 Username: Inon Comment: THE SUN HAS HIT THE WEST GOD BLESS AMERICA Link to comment
Cipher Posted September 30, 2020 Share Posted September 30, 2020 Username: iSeoul_B0t.222 Comment: Come to iSeoul. Come to iSeoul. Come to iSeoul. Come to iSeoul. Come to iSeoul. Come to iSeoul. Come to iSeoul. Come to iSeoul. Come to iSeoul. Link to comment
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