Al-Malikah Posted September 21, 2020 Share Posted September 21, 2020 (edited) LOW STANDARDS 2020 YOUR GUIDE TO THE LOCAL LET-DOWNS As the city's election approaches, a wide array of one hundred percent not-robot clones vie for seats in the Greater Los Santos area. The two main parties, Democrats and Republicans, present their nearly identical plans for the city and have already managed to make rounds of news, with more wife-beaters sure to come to light in the days ahead. In the spirit of this election, LSVIXEN presents the 2020 Low Standards Election Special, which aims to toughen up voters and ready them for all manner of scandal, horror, sexual trauma, car-fondling and any and all sorts of sordid tentacle fetishes that may come to light regarding the, yet again, 100 percent human candidates running for District Representative. This page will constantly be updated with top news stories and other revisions if can remember to do so between copious amounts of cocaine. © 2020 Los Santos Vixen. All fights deserved. Yes, they are still in style. We recommend them with a flared bell-bottom. A little irrelevant to election coverage though. Moving on. © 2020 Los Santos Vixen. All tights preserved. Here we go, now we're cooking with gas, let's roll down the list. Mayor of Los Santos We'll deal with this shit next month. For now.. this is basically them. Northern District Manjot Singh (D) Joshua Spencer (R) Candidate Fun Facts! Manjot Singh guaranteed the LSVIXEN never once murdered a hitchhiker and ate them. Not even once. Joshua Spencer for his part has assured the LSVIXEN that his love of the troops and veterans is "absolutely non-sexual. Haha... Unless?..." Central District Richard Orosco (D) Alex Flynn (R) Candidate Fun Facts! Richard Orosco vows to beat the shit out every single woman's rights issue in Los Santos! Bold stance! Alex Flynn has confirmed that he does NOT CRY WHILE HE MASTURBATES AT ALL. Good to know. Southern District Wallace Abbasi Mk. II (D) Jose Ortiz (R) ERR0RC4ndidate FVn Facts! Wallace Abbasi guarantees voters that he feels all three human emotions, happy, sad, and 01100010 01101100 01101111 01101111 01100100 01110100 01101000 01101001 01110010 01110011 01110100 01111001 00100000 01110010 01101111 01100010 01101111 00101101 01110010 01100001 01100111 01100101 Jose Ortiz loves watching strong women fight. Some nights he even pays homeless women to fight each-other for his amusement! Charmer! Western District Tanya Sun (D) Joshua Shepherd (R) Candidate Fun Facts! Tanya Sun guarantees that if you say Prosperity three times in a mirror she will haunt your dreams until your untimely demise. Joshua Shepherd enjoys plaid and has come to terms with him not receiving a single Korean vote. Chins up buddy! Eastern District George Valencia (D) Thomas Busch the Third (R) Candidate Fun Facts! George Valencia is extremely sensitive about his deformed thumbs and does not want anyone talking about them. Thomas Busch was told by Papa Busch that this election was actually purchased just for him because he was a very good boy this year! Blaine District Badar Khan (D) Joseph Hoffman (R) Candidate Fun Facts! Badar Khan is really excited about his initiative to give every single citizen in Blaine County their very own vaguely ethnic name. Joseph Hoffman got his own durn fortune by playin' them poker tourneys in Las Venturas. He's fixin' on doin' he same with the city budget! © 2020 Los Santos Vixen. All blights ensured. Disclaimer Spoiler LS Vixen (bitch ass) Disclaimer The LS Vixen is a satire, parody, commentary, critique, news reporting and scholarly web publication, which may or may not use actual names often in quasi-real and/or fictitious narration. Any resemblance to the truth is purely coincidental, except for all references to politicians, celebrities and/or other personalities that are critiqued and/or commented upon, in which case they are based on real people, but still based almost entirely in fiction. -> Comments are enabled Quote Username: Comment: ADD US ON FACEBROWSER OR PERISH. Edited September 21, 2020 by Al-Malikah fuck formatting 12 1 Link to comment
.George Posted September 21, 2020 Share Posted September 21, 2020 Username: Korean George Comment: Glad to finally know how other Western District candidate even looks like! I doubted he even existed before this article. Link to comment
Vyacheslav Maksimilian Posted September 21, 2020 Share Posted September 21, 2020 2 hours ago, DjoleK said: Username: Korean George Comment: Glad to finally know how other Western District candidate even looks like! I doubted he even existed before this article. Username: Not very korean George Comment: ask someone outside of k-town about ur candidate and you will hear the same, respect her for trying though! Link to comment
.George Posted September 21, 2020 Share Posted September 21, 2020 7 minutes ago, Vyacheslav Maksimilian said: Username: Not very korean George Comment: ask someone outside of k-town about ur candidate and you will hear the same, respect her for trying though! Username: Korean George Comment: Not very true, Miss Sun is known all over Western District, but I appreciate your attempt. Maybe if you stopped spending your time looking at fake photos on facebrowser you would've noticed. Link to comment
Vyacheslav Maksimilian Posted September 21, 2020 Share Posted September 21, 2020 Just now, DjoleK said: Username: Korean George Comment: Not very true, Miss Sun is known all over Western District, but I appreciate your attempt. Maybe if you stopped spending your time looking at fake photos on facebrowser you would've noticed. Username: Not very korean George Comment: we shall see on the election day! Link to comment
Hugh-Gi-Oh Posted September 22, 2020 Share Posted September 22, 2020 Username: RK2811 Comment: lmao I like the article but tbh I would like to know what you really think about the platforms and policies would be cool if you could make an article about that and not just the ppl Link to comment
lambchops Posted September 22, 2020 Share Posted September 22, 2020 23 hours ago, DjoleK said: Username: Korean George Comment: Not very true, Miss Sun is known all over Western District, but I appreciate your attempt. Maybe if you stopped spending your time looking at fake photos on facebrowser you would've noticed. Username: squeaky toy Comment: i've lived in the western district for years and all i know about tanya sun is that she looks like the smiling lady on a ramen noodle wrapper Link to comment
.George Posted September 22, 2020 Share Posted September 22, 2020 1 hour ago, lambchops said: Username: squeaky toy Comment: i've lived in the western district for years and all i know about tanya sun is that she looks like the smiling lady on a ramen noodle wrapper Username: Korean George Comment: Clearly a face you can trust! Link to comment
MrValencia Posted September 22, 2020 Share Posted September 22, 2020 Username: George Valencia Comment: Lol, good work once again. I died laughing. You're wrong about me being sensitive about my deformed thumb though, it's actually the opposite. I always have a good time when people roast me about it because ultimately some of their comments are hilarious. You definitely got my looks right though, and my love for dress up, LOL. Well done! Link to comment
Sim Posted September 22, 2020 Share Posted September 22, 2020 Username: Red Comment: man i got sun allergies already Link to comment
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