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[LSVIXEN] Dining Review: Hyped UP & Hopped UP on "Vespucci Cool Beans" (5/5)

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Dining Review: Hyped UP & Hopped UP on "Vespucci Cool Beans" (5/5)




(Located in Vespucci. Duh.)


Rating: 💋💋💋💋 

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Find out what Five Kisses means here.

A coffee shop has a simple job in theory. You brew the coffee. You give it to the strung out junkie or hopped up college student. You take the money. And the world turns ever onwards towards global climate catastrophe. A simple flow that is all too often convoluted by poor design choices, overpriced coffee, an uninspiring and bland environment, shitty coffee beans, or mismanagement. I am pretty fuckin' happy to say Vespucci Cool Beans seems to have avoided every single one of these common pitfalls. Let's get into the details, shall we?

Modern Without Being Boring, Bright AIRY SPACES! 🍃






(Cozy and bright, it actually keeps you awake and wanting to stay! Photocred for 2 & 3: Jenna Song)


Alright, let's kick off! So the location originally had me a little bristly, a little nervous. Vespucci has a reputation of being a teensy weensy little bit methy and skinheady sooo it's not entirely unfair that I was a smidge-bit anxious about intentionally entering and grabbing a casual coffee in the neighborhood. But frankly, I do not fault a business on location. I can give points for a really good one like in the Meatballs By the Sea review, but I try not to judge a business by something wildly outside of a business owner's control. 

That said. Walking in had me gooped and gagged, startled by the clean white finishes every-which-way. The space gets amazing sunlight from it's big windows and the light refracts off of the bright walls which basically does half the job of waking you up when you enter along with the ever present smell of freshly brewed coffee. The style is Modern with 70's style accent walls and furniture. The spaces are somehow both energizing AND cozy, which I didn't know was fuckin' possible. And the layout is really conducive to the space. With couches in the middle for group hangs, a cozy fireplace floor sitting space for when you really wanna stretch out and snug, and a third nook with some soft chairs, it's really made the most of it's space without being cramped or over-crowding it. I think that is a really hard balance to strike and I think they managed to knock that shit out.


A Well Staffed Cafe is a Happy Cafe! 





(The crowd was well curated and lovely and the staff passionate and sweet! Photocred for 2: Jenna Song)


Baller fucking moves, babe. The place has CCTV. Cops regularly pop in for a brew. And the people who linger are people worth having around. The big baller move here is that I don't expect cafe's to have excellent crowd curation. I expect clubs to. I expect high class restaurants to. But somehow Vespucci Cool Beans, through a mix of good security measures and phenomenal and fast service by the staff, managed to curate a consistently good crowd both times I came. No brawls. No doofuses. Just coffee, real humans with real brains, and kind staff. I have zero complaints here. 






(A display of some to-go offerings. Photocred: Jenna Song)


The prices are low and fair so tip the baristas well because they don't just pop a dehydrated coffee pod mix in and go to down on that with some hot water. They barista well and with care. Sure, one of the people in my party had a mixed up drink order during their rush hour, but if I knocked a Kiss off of every single Coffee joint that had a single mixed up order during high times, there would be no glory for cafes in Vixenland and the world would be a grey and bleak place. The key here is that the staff is kind and approachable. If my order did get mixed up, I wouldn't feel shy or embarrassed asking them for a redo. They're kind people and this city needs more kind people in kind places doing what they love to do.


My coffee was lovely, energizing, and toasty. It made me very happy. The art on it was also super-duper cute and it's that attention to detail that makes me feel all fuzzy.




(Me with nice people. Photocred: Jenna Song)


The bar for a café in Los Santos isn't insanely high, but plenty manage to miss it. Vespucci Cool Beans both pleased my eye, my wallet, my tongue, and my heart. I'm a really simple chick. I like things that consistently bring me joy and allow me to hang with the people I love and feel safe and secure while doing it. Vespucci Cool Beans has offered that to me on a consistent basis and to do so in the middle of Vespucci... well it kind of gives me hope for the future, babes!


It warms my icy cold heart one overly elaborate latte order at a time.





LS Vixen's (bitch ass) Disclaimer

The LS Vixen is a satire, parody, commentary, critique, news reporting and scholarly web publication, which may or may not use actual names often in quasi-real and/or fictitious narration. Any resemblance to the truth is purely coincidental, except for all references to politicians, celebrities and/or other personalities that are critiqued and/or commented upon, in which case they are based on real people, but still based almost entirely in fiction.

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Edited by Al-Malikah
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