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This thread will follow the life & progression of Santino Campanelli, Managing Partner of Campanelli & Granados.
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The hottest tea, the spiciest gossip, the fiercest commentary and no fucking censorship. We are the Los Santos VIXEN. Hope you've been doing your kegels, babe. Letter from the editor: Sis, stop reading the story and BE the story. Submit your gossip to our handy and under-fucking-utilized gossip submission form. Chop chop. Also Like, Subscribe, Share, is this your first time online? Click HERE ! LSVIXEN XOXO ❤️ Dining Review: Seaside Slurpin' on Beefy "Meatballs By The Sea" (4/5) (Located on the Chumash Pier) Rating: 💋💋💋 💋 Find out what Four Kisses means here. Hey cuties. We all know how Los Santos can be. You go to a gas station. Some hobo robs you for your purse filled with ice cream and the card of a local psychiatrist you desperately need. You go to a 24/7 and there's some teen demanding cigarettes from the appropriately startled and nervous clerk. The same teen gets the crap beat out of him by vaguely European men. A sports team wins, a sports team loses. A politician sleeps around. A model is forced to go to an annoying party by unspoken social conventions. A dolphin weeps in the ocean and a police officer bites into a fresh donut. This is the way of Los Santos and this way can be super-not-great for a person's anxiety at times. This is why the moment I saw that a shop had opened by the seaside port of Chumash Pier, I was down to fucking clown. While "Meatballs By The Sea" was to my surprise not a waterside brothel specializing in the services of well-equipped Italian men, I was delighted to learn it was a casual, sea-side eatery. So either way, I knew I was getting stuffed. Let's dig in! Standard Beach Décor and Simple Planning Won the Dau, but Musical Chairs Dimmed it's Glory! 🎼 (Simple, beachy, lightly Italian. Good vibe. Photocred: Jenna Song) As you might have noticed from my Pork Whistle review, my metric for décor is super-duper fair and simple. I see a barn, I want to feel either barnlike inside or be shocked in a good way. In this case, switch barn with "sea-side fast casual eatery." It's got oceanside motifs you'd expect, no surprises there! But it also has some comfy, surprisingly modern, seating. Unfortunately this brings us to my first and last hitch with "Meatballs By the Sea". I had three people, we played a little game of Musical Chairs in order to figure out that we'd had to dine at the stool laden mini-countertop if we were to dine together. I wanted a bit of a booth moment, but the booths only fit two. Is this a cardinal sin worthy of death? Nah. Not by a long-shot. But when we're working with a smaller space, I understand there's challenges but I think one or two three-seater tables would help cut down on some of the shuffling around. Overall, thumbs up. Nothing crazy or surprising. The Ballmaster, the Flow, and the Vibe! 🛒 (I have not been legally forbidden from calling Chef Emil, 'the Ballmaster', yet. Photocred to Jenna Song.) Riding off of the Morgue Hall wave in the Dining Review memory bank of my brain, I was naturally a little nervous when I entered and saw only Chef Emil working. Luckily the menu was simple and direct which helped speed the line across. Also this guy is a massive ball juggler, phenomenal at interspersing culinary creation and processing orders in a flash. When it comes to Dining Reviews, I tend to not technically comment on something called "Crowd Curation" which is how the crowd curated by the business effects the experience of said business. For nightclubs with security, I absolutely factor it in as you'll see with an upcoming review on Cloud Nine. For upscale restaurants, that is where I expect sharp Crowd Curation and a tailored experience. For Meatballs By the Sea and Morgue Hall, all I expect is that the line moves along and things get processed. Otherwise the line gets bored, douchebags start douche-bagging, and the vibe then goes off. This did happen once while I was at Meatballs By the Sea, but in my professional assessment it was less because Emil's line didn't move quick enough and more because a group of fifteen-year-olds were out in Chumash unchaperoned at 2:00 AM, and looking to cause a stir. Once they did, they were promptly escorted out. So in total, Chef Emil processes orders speedily, effectively, and you can rely on your order being fulfilled in a timely fashion. But Vixen, HOW WERE THE BALLS? 🍖 (.) (I ate them so immediately I did not get a picture, I will not be judged by you.) The variety was really nice even with a streamlined menu. The fare ranged from Italian-style Meatballs as one might expect to even Korean BBQ varieties and a Build-Your-Own Bowl option that wasn't overly complex nor took longer to fulfill than the main menu items. And Christ, they were fucking good. I got the beef meatballs with gochujang and topped with Parmesan over a bed of white rice. The umami in Parmesan worked fucking wonders with the Gochujang and the meatballs themselves. I heard zero complaints as my friends were dogging on their own balls. Many claps to Chef Emil for also including Vegan and Gluten Free options which I deftly avoided in favor of breaking any and all dietary restrictions I may have claimed to have had previously. Also it was fucking cheap. I love that. I'm cheap too. I felt seen. Their website also indicates that you can order takeout and they are expanding their opening hours which helps with planning the journey to the seaside. This leads me to my final summary and my final happy moment on the Chumash Pier. ALL IN ALL (Goddamn, that's fucking pretty. Fuck.) Location. Location. Location. 'Meatballs By the Sea' benefitted so much from being in a place I wanted to be. Far from the city and it's many worries, I was able to look out at the vast ocean and put my worries into perspective. For someone with anxiety, that alone was something I'm incredibly grateful for. The fact that the food was good, the service was quick, the décor wasn't jarring or overwhelmingly tacky, the prices were more than fair, and the owner clearly has a passion that he enjoys sharing. This all certainly overshadowed the teensy game of musical chairs I had to play to find a comfy seat. I left calmer, happier, and content in having slurped on the meatiest balls you can imagine. And isn't that what life makes really worth living? XOXO, DISCLAIMER >Comments are enabled!- 4 replies
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