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cracked

Understanding the Swedes

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cracked    78
Posted (edited)

(Warning, might be triggering information here. I am Swedish, I believe I'm allowed to poke fun at my own country. 

Some of the information is completely true though. You can decipher it yourself. VERY SARCASTIC BUT SLIGHTLY TRUE THREAD HERE. WARNING. P.S I'M ONLY WRITING THIS SO THAT I DO NOT GET BANNED. PLEASE DON'T BAN ME. NOTICE HOW SCARED I AM OF THE STAFF TEAM. VERY SCARY.)

Swedish-flag.jpg

"Sweden, we simply do it better."

 

Hello stranger! If you've pressed on this guide, I suppose you're looking out of pure curiousity or perhaps even a slight shred of interest. Well then, let me inform you that you've got a real swede here, to help you roleplay a swedish person.

 

Common traits, of a Swede

- Non-confrontational

- Too much alcohol consumption

- Often racist, though trying too hard not to be

- Has no culture

- Large amount of divorces

- If male & overweight, highly interested in thai women

 

So, let's get started on these topics!

 

1. THE NO CONFRONTATION ZONE

 

Swedes are like rabbits. If you were to put it in a ghetto term, "they don't want no smoke". Swedes have a habit of avoiding conflict or any kind of unpleasantry in their daily-life. It might be due to their passive "neutral" stance throughout history (World War 2, for example.) or due to their weakness as they slowly drift away from their former viking genes. To roleplay a Swede, you are most likely to be non confrontational.

 

2. ALCOHOL CONSUMPTION 

 

Swedes these days, are either binge drinkers that drink a-lot, and I really mean a-lot. It is the cause of loads of family trauma in Sweden, and also the reason to live for some. What I'm getting at is, either you barerly drink and are mostly likely a vegan, or you drink a-lot and love BBQ's. Because you can drink, but in the sun. 99% of Swedes are on either of the spectrum. Most common are the drinkers. Conservative, responsible drinker? Pfft. PFFFFFFt. What are you an alt-right extremist?

 

3. "I SWEAR I'M NOT RACIST. HERE, HAVE MY HOUSING."

 

As seen throughout the years, Sweden are very accepting of immigrants. We are however, really fucking bad at integration of immigrants into our country. This is why a rapid amount of young Swedes are fleeing the country, if they can. It's a bit like a waterfall. You have a low chance of escaping. Now, why have swedish leftist politicans accepted so many immigrants, even though we obviously cannot handle it? Well, it's because of racism! We're so racist and prejudice that we have to try and lie and do over-the-top gestures to prove that we're not! (Like importing an entire religion and culture into our country!) So, if you're roleplaying a Swede, be a bit racist. Key is, try really really hard to prove you're not. This mostly applies to characters over 30 years of age.

 

4. "WE DON'T HAVE A CULTURE, WE IMPORTED ONE."

 

This one ties heavily into the 3rd one, which is also an argument for why we're racist. We're so racist, we even hate our own ethnicity as caucasian europeans. We hate it so much, that we claim Sweden has no culture. We import other cultures, creating huge clashes of culture, considering we actually have one. If you're roleplaying a true Swede, you're either A. The -obvious- racist Swede, that likes hard rock, and tells foreigners to "get out of the country." This one knows Sweden has a culture. or B. A leftist racist that tries to hide they're racist, so you claim that we have no culture. You appropriate others cultures often. Do that if you're roleplaying a Swede.

 

5. "WE DIVORCE. IT'S JUST OUR THING."

 

Swedes are terrible at finding life partners. A marriage lasts for on average 11 years in Sweden. This means that if you're roleplaying a character that is 30-40, you've most likely had 1-2 divorces already. RP it, done deal.

 

6. "THAILAND."

 

For some reason, our older men who have had bad luck with women because of the man being overweight, slightly rich but very ugly, have often decided to take "vacations" in Thailand, where they find a wife, and maybe import them to Sweden. Are they bought? Is it real love? I don't know, nobody knows. It just happens so much. Chances are, if you're roleplaying a 50 year old, over-weight, rich, ugly swedish man, you've got or have had a thai wife.

 

SWEDISH SLANG, AND WHAT THE HELL IT MEANS

"Kubba" - To run, running.

"Blatte, babbe" - Slang terms that are considered racist. They reference immigrants.

"Bira" - Beer. Just beer.

"Zutt" - Hasch. Cannabis in hasch-form.

"Yani" A turkish word. Often used as a "like" at the start of sentences.

"Asså" Something that Swedish teenagers often say before their sentences, if they're not ghetto, 

then they'll just say 'yani'.

"Igga" -  to ignore.

"Rinkebynyckel" - a ghetto place called rinkeby, in conjunction with a key. it's referencing a crowbar.

"muggen" - literally translates to "the mug", a toilet or bathroom.

"mullig" - chubby

"hobbyblatte" - someone who pretends to be an immigrant bEcAuSe iT's CoOl

"tabbe" - mistake/weapon (think it originated as mistake, but then someone thought, hey, carrying a weapon is a mistake waiting to happen.

"chagga/chaggas" - whore / whores or hoes

"farbror blå" translates to uncle blue, the cops. the police.

"bängen" - the police.

"zasta" - a weapon, often a rifle like an AK.

"abiat, koks" - cocaine

"djur" - translates to animal, but usually just means you're awesome or whatever. like,

you chug two beers in 10 seconds someone might go, "du är djur ju!!" (you're an animal!!)

"dissa" - to diss, ignore, dismiss

"punani" - pussy

"rävapiss" fox piss, it's meant as weak coffee.

"sharmuta" - literally arabic for whore.

"vurpa" - accident/injury

"satmara" - bitch

"raggar-balle med bröd" - a hotdog

This is Sweden. We love it. Lär dig arabiska.

Edited by cracked
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Свето    758

Okay, don't generalize my dad's Thailand trips like that, I'm offended.

 

Real talk, good shit, skicka ett meddelande om du behöver med att samla ihop slang-ord 

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Naru    12

Kaffepaus

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jcat    42
  • You're not to think you are anything special
  • You're not to think you are as good as we are
  • You're not to think you are smarter than we are
  • You're not to convince yourself that you are better than we are
  • You're not to think you know more than we do
  • You're not to think you are more important than we are
  • You're not to think you are good at anything
  • You're not to laugh at us
  • You're not to think anyone cares about you
  • You're not to think you can teach us anything

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