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San Andreas Action News Welcome to the San Andreas Action News website. Here you will find the best and most legit news ever made and the news that is crucial to your day to day life. We want you to understand just how important the events are that we speak about here. If you ever read something that might contest our claims you can dismiss it as fake news. We have hired the most pristine fact checkers of the entire state. These people will make sure that whatever you read is fact checked, however we don't have the budget to actually act on what they say, nor do we speak Spanish. We wish to hear what you, the people think about our articles in the comments. We hope you get informed by our articles. History Bruce Dewitt started his career as an actor on a show called Memewatch where he would act as a professor explaining the science behind certain memes. When the company expended into news articles Bruce started writing articles and the company was named Los Angeles Action News. His first article about local government corruption made him and the company rather famous. When the CEO retired he appointed Bruce to take over the company as it was heading into a golden age in both revenue and fame. After a few years of entertaining the people with shows and articles Bruce quit LAAN and focused on other endeavors. Now he is in Los Santos and will do his best to entertain and inform the people. Vision When we see the current state of the news we are deeply appalled by it. All the articles are about boring things like elections, pandemics and war. We seek to change this and make news something someone can read without feeling existential dread. News articles that someone can laugh about and tell his or her friends about. We want to be your number one news source! Mission How are we going to achieve this goal you might ask. We have the most trained staff members from all over the state. Every single one of our employees has at least a physical degree in their trade and more than 20 years experience. This goes for the writers and those who bring me coffee during breaks. With all these advantages it is only a matter of time that SAAN becomes the number one news platform. However we can't do it without your help. If you enjoy what you read, do share it with your friends and leave a like or comment. Contact Bruce Dewitt and his cronies run the show around here so if you want to contact them you can talk to Bruce in person or you can leave a comment in the comment section. Those who really feel adventurous can talk to the President, Gaston Faubert in Belgium. A SAAN dedicated phone will most likely be appointed in the future. Articles Los Santos rejoiced by the announcement of SAAN, Reckless taxi driver backed by police, Ricers can't catch a break, Watch out criminals Karen is on the case, Is murder still worth it?, Milk drinking Bandit escapes a prison sentence, Lizard people spotted in Los Santos according to locals,

Ricers can't catch a break From the SAAN News Desk On the thirteenth of April LSNN caused an uproar in their comment section by leaking information about a police observed drag race. Many people who had nothing to do with it rushed to the comment section to claim how offended they were about the fact that police officers infiltrated on an illegal street race and compromised so that everyone was safe. Preventing people from committing terrible crimes is Illegal in this state and the chief of police has taken a bold stance against this sort of crime fighting. Our reporter is no stranger to these sort of events. Back on the mainland he has covered many of these sort of unauthorized drag races, car meets and street races through the city. Here in Los Santos one of the first events he witnessed was a drift competition between a few friends in their ricer cars. Another event that just barely wasn't converted into an article was a ricer meetup where random Russians started to voice their opinion against the drag racing and started to threaten people. The police was called and the Russians were detained because of their harassment. Our reporter spoke with many of the people at these events and they confessed that they would never go to a legal drag race or stop doing what they love. The event that LSNN covered was no different. People got together at a deserted dead end road near the airport. The police got wind of it and tried to stop the people from harming no one. Instead of dispersing the people and have them do their rice things on a different location the police blocked the road to ensure people's safety. This is a tried and tested method in other big cities in US like Las Vegas. You will never have these kids stop what they are doing, however you can make sure that they don't kill anyone trying to get away from the police. The chief of police thought this was outrageous. The zero injured people and the property damage of nothing was weighing hard on his conscience so he did the only reasonable thing by punishing these police officers for what they did. There was little to no outrage when this happened. If LSNN didn't make it seem like this was the worst thing on the planet these officers would still be protecting people on the streets. Read more SAAN HERE!

Living in the hood From the SAAN News Desk A SAAN fan contacted us and wanted to anonymously tell us about what it is like to live in the southern area of the city. We dispatched a reporter to interview the local on how difficult it is to have a normal live in East Rancho. The man goes by the nickname of Lil Tooney, the real hard hitter. He was currently on parole for theft of a motorized vehicle. While he isn't a sociology expert who studied crowd psychology he can still give an eye witness account on how it is like down there. Together they tried to figure out why people behave the way they do in these neighborhoods. Lil Tooney is a 16 year old felon who lives in East Rancho with his mother. He has been in and out of prison since he was twelve years old. He is part of the Eighteenth street community. He stated that is a place where you need to fight to keep what you have. If you don't protect yourself no one else will. He lost three friends to street violence already. Since he has a police record he speculates that no one will hire him, so he has to do illegal things to stay alive. The lack of public parks, swimming pools and jobs down south make it so that the people can't relax from the constant stress they feel from being poor. The only time they see the police is when they kill or arrest their friends. Our reporter noticed that this man has great talent with music and a sharp business sense for his age, but remarked that no one would hire with this record. Discrimination against ex cons will make sure that people like him will be criminals for life. Lil Tooney had one thing to say for the people at home: ''Fuck MS, fuck Dirus, fuck Lamers, fuck Flowers and fuck the police! If you come here you will leave without your money and shoes.''. Hopefully the government will do something for these people at some point. Want to read more saan? Click here!

Lizard people spotted in Los Santos according to locals From the SAAN News desk When our reporter drove through the city looking for the next interesting story, he almost hit two men running from the place where the Strawberry Homeless live. When he questioned the people, who didn't look both left and right before crossing the street of their intentions, they mentioned that they were running from presumed lizard people. Our reporter both confused and intrigued by this wanted to hear a more in depth explanation. He went after them to report on their unusual behavior. He managed to stop and interview them so that everyone in San Andreas could hear their story about evil lizard people fighting to control the state. They call themselves Stickman and Doink, members of the Anti Lizard-Man Alliance. Their duty is to prevent mankind from being replaced by lizards. It all started for them when Stickman found lizard people living in the sewers beneath the city. Ever since they have been checking people for lizard behavior and they developed a way to easily determine if someone is human or not. When someone's eyelids close side to side when you shine light in their face then they are lizards. Doink and Stickman preformed this test on the homeless before they were chased away. Stickman commented that the homeless got angry because they got exposed as lizard people. However they don't have a way to find out if someone is a human working for the lizards. They also claim that lizard men have assaulted them countless of times, but they would lay down their lives if it meant that humanity survives. Hopefully will you, the reader now be informed of this fantastic danger that we all face. Read more SAAN Here!

Milk drinking Bandit escapes a prison sentence From the SAAN news desk For months, local stores have been plagued by an outright dirty individual dubbed the Milk drinking Bandit. This person regularly takes cartons of milk from small stores without paying. She dodges the police and time and time again and has yet to answer for here crimes. Our reporter interviewed some of the affected store clerks that had the displeasure of having their milk stolen. Most of the clerks stated that they didn't call the police because they felt sorry for the girl. ''Someone who has to steal milk is really pathetic and just sad.''. Others managed to stop her in the act and threatened to call the police. Estimates state that she has at least stolen around a hundred cartons of milk. There was no evidence for why she does this other than that she is kleptomaniac. Today on the second of May she was caught by police officers near the Morning Wood 24/7 and this sparked somewhat of an outrage. She started off with her usual trick. She took a milk carton from the fridge and went outside without paying. While some of the employees thought it was fine since they knew the bandit, two others got really upset and called the police on her. She outran the police by turning around the corner twice, a maneuver that they have yet to find a counter against. However went back to the store without the carton of milk and was detained by police officers there. This caused a heated debate about if she should be punished or not. In the end they didn't press charges, but the officer arbitrarily banned the bandit from the store without the owner or the employees consent. Once again the bandit didn't answer for her crimes and the innocent milk cartons once again fear for their lives. Stay vigilant 24/7 employees! Read more SAAN here!

Is murder still worth it? From the SAAN meme desk We have all at some point fantasized about committing a gruesome murder, but is that still a good idea? When someone commits a murder that person will almost always leave behind evidence. For example, someone can leave a skin peel when stabbing a hobo to death in a dark alley. With this evidence the police can then make a DNA profile. I know what you are thinking: ''Who cares my DNA is not registered in the government database. I can kill as many people as I want.'', but that isn't entirely true. If your cousin Steve from Sandy Shores ever got arrested for something then his DNA is register with the police. Since the DNA of family members are very similar it won't take long before the police can link it back to you. Thanks Steve. Stock image of man stabbing a hoe to death Nowadays Steve doesn't have to kill a hooker in his car to have his DNA registered. He could willingly send his DNA to a shady company to find out how Japanese he is. Zero percent Steve, you are from Sandy Shores. This is why we from SAAN advise you to stop committing murders. There are real life consequences these days. Let's all be a little nicer to each other. Read SAAN HERE!

Watch out criminals Karen is on the case From the SAAN News Desk The people of Los Santos lost a lot of respect for the police force yesterday due to how they handled a certain drag race. This event was the last drop for a concerned citizen who took it upon herself to ensure the safety of Los Santos. Karen Matthews founded the Los Santos City and Neighborhood watch on the fourteenth of April and wants everyone who also cares about their safety to join her on Facebrowser. Our reporter went to Mirror park for an exclusive interview. Los Santos is still griped by the several articles written about a police observed drag race and people no longer trust the police to protect them. One of these people is a woman named Karen Matthews. She posted advertisements for her new group Los Santos City and Neighborhood watch all over the internet and one of our reporters stumbled upon one. Immediately intrigued he called the phone number listed and arranged an interview with the founder. She is a single mother of two and cares deeply about her neighborhood and especially the children. In the interview it quickly became clear why she distrust the police. Karen was always the first to report any illegal activity in her neighborhood and she did so with pride. Lately police officers started to turn against her, she mentioned. When she reported a crime she had the police basically laugh in her face. Just the other day she reported that people were illegally having a drag race and the police told her that it wasn't illegal. When she got upset about the police incompetence they threatened to detain her. The ricers also mocked her openly and she thinks that if they can get away with this then they will preform worse crimes in the future. This all caused her to form the Los Santos City and neighborhood watch. The objective of this neighborhood watch is to film illegal activity and post it online so that the police will have to step in or a public outcry will force them to take action. People who want to join can send a private message to Karen Matthews on Facebrowser. Those who want to join must be ever so vigilant and not afraid to call out people that are doing something illegal. Together we can hold people accountable for their actions be it criminal or corrupt cop. This is the first step towards a world where children can be safe in Los Santos. On a side note Karen got horrible injured when she was trying to document police activity. She slipped and fell off a parking lot and we hope her essential oils will get her back on her feet. Read more SAAN here!

Los Santos rejoiced by the announcement of SAAN From the SAAN News Desk We from the SAAN team are hyped about expending our franchise to San Andreas. We will work diligently to keep everyone up to date with the best news we can provide. With the arrival in a new state we of course need to know what the people think of the news in the first place. So today on the seventh of April we went out on the streets and asked people what their opinion was about the current news situation in San Andreas. Without holding back, people from all backgrounds gave their anonymous opinions and wishes. We went to several parts in the city to ask the people what was on their mind, however they were reluctant to answer the questions at first. When we assured them that they can say things anonymously they opened up immediately. A large portion of the people thought that the current dominant news company is doing a fine job, but they are afraid that this company will become lazy if it doesn't face a competitor. A few of the answers we got were that they thought that the articles were not entertaining. Some people thought that the articles lacked spirit or seemed very clinical. Others liked the fact that it was no nonsense and direct. The majority of the people asked stated that they don't regularly read the news, but are willing to try to read more news if SAAN delivers on its promises. Group of friends outside the Mirror Park Tavern Our team also encountered a group of people who knew about LAAN in front of the popular Mirror Park Tavern. To our surprise one of them even knew the details about very obscure articles we made in the past. They have high hopes that SAAN just like its predecessor will deliver the news the way they like it. However they did have some complaints about previous articles. They want the articles to be relevant and informative unlike some of the early works of LAAN. We from the SAAN team hope to not disappoint our remaining fans and hope we can impress our new readers. Be sure to leave a like and comment in the section below. We would love to see what you think about what SAAN should be about and how you see the current state of the news in San Andreas. Our Next article will be more action packed. Read more SAAN HERE!

Reckless taxi driver backed by police From the SAAN news desk Just after midnight on April the eight our reporter was driving around Davis searching for something to report on when he found a taxi driver arguing with a customer. The customers claimed that the driver was driving recklessly and almost got them killed so they wouldn't pay. The driver called the police and after he called 911 five times a beanie wearing law enforcer arrived at the scene and tried to resolve the issue. When you call a taxi you assume that the driver will do anything you get you to your destination in the quickest and safest way possible. This driver who wished to remain anonymous took being quick to heart, however the safe part was completely disregarded. Nothing was too crazy for this driver: running red lights, going double the allowed speed limit and driving against the flow of traffic. The driver got to the destination in record speed, even when missing the right turn. When he arrived the customers declined to pay since they wanted to arrive to their destination without being in shock. The driver got angry and almost rammed the two of them with his car before calling 911. The customers said that they wouldn't report him if he would just let them go. However he got furious and kept calling 911 for multiple times while the customers were patiently waiting, hoping that the police would do something to help them. When a law enforcer did arrive he wasn't the savior they were looking for. The law enforcer stated that the disagreement about paying was something for small claims court and not for the police to decide. The law enforcer did force the customers to pay the amount the taxi driver said they owed him. When the customers protested he raised his voice and threatened arrest to them. When the customers stated that the driver put them in harms way, the driver protested and said he drove perfectly normal. The customers paid in the end and reported the incident to the management of the company. The management invited our reporter over to talk about the incident. They stated that they took the report serious and talked to the driver in question. The driver admitted his wrong doings and said he wasn't in the right state of mind. The management didn't see anything wrong with the driver during his probation period and training and this thing has never happened to the company before. The manager took steps to ensure discipline in company and guarantees that something like this never happens again. The company shouldn't be canceled because of the acts of a rogue driver. Stay safe Los Santos and be sure to read the next article. Read more SAAN HERE!