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Rumbunctious

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Rumbunctious last won the day on November 14

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About Rumbunctious

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  1. IN 2019 MAN MUST ASK ONESELF: SHOULD HE GO TO PORNHUB OR FACEBROWSER FOR HIS FIX? Wandering the streets of Los Santos, one might be taken aback by the stunning, varied surroundings. From the wonderful hills to the atmospheric city streets, there are sights to please all. Diving into what might be considered the digital version of Los Santos, however, is an entirely different story. Here, on the pornographic website known as Facebrowser, dodging pictures of half-naked females (some with male reproductive organs) is a task about as difficult as finding a straight woman in Los Santos. Oddly enough, some users have expressed distaste regarding the amount of pornographic content on Facebrowser, citing needs to use the platform for “networking” and claiming there are “children” on the platform. Why anyone would willingly use a site intended for mature adult content to network, beats me. Regardless, the cesspool of man-children, street racers, women who act suspiciously much like men, and otherwise regular members of society are taking a stand against the porn. They’re particularly against the strong women leading the attention-drawing, ego-stroking, and quite frankly disgusting demonstration. Named the four pornstars of the apocalypse, and rumored to have their own upcoming 10-season deal with Netflix, they are Isabella Ruperts, Medina Latina, Tix, & Blake Netherlands. I reluctantly sat down with one such icon, Isabella Ruperts, and posed the question on all of our minds: What have we, the citizens of Los Santos, done to deserve the blessing of your never-ending ass pictures? Miss Ruperts gracefully responded, "My content is not pornography. I simply happened to spontaneously have a camera pointed at my bare ass. It’s quite clear in the picture that I was, in fact, peacefully baking.” (ABOVE: ISABELLA RUPERTS INNOCENTLY BAKES) I knew something was afoot, however; my gut told me so. I bravely pushed on, but did not dare speak. What was I to do in the face of adversity, sitting across from this menacing, self-described “5’6 petite Latina with a big ass”? Despite the immense oppression of this hedonist upon a virtuous man such as myself, I managed to show Miss Ruperts the screen of my phone. A screen displaying none other than the noble GIF of Donald Trump almost kissing his microphone and saying, and I quote, “wrong.” And suddenly, not unlike a disgraced Godzilla-like sea monster rising from the disgusting depths of the ocean, displaying the true size of its abominative monstrosity, Miss Ruperts finally revealed her shocking hand. "Jokes lmao! I just love reading yall retards comment on my pics as I sit in my penthouse drunkenly fingering myself. I applied for a job at a local brothel but they turned me down because I’ve had [AIDS] since the nineties, so I thought I’d stoop even lower and flash my pudenda to the internet.” The appalling revelations didn’t stop there however. After shutting off my recorder, Miss Ruperts personally confided in me, offering to fellate me for five-hundred dollars. While tempting, I of course thanked no, not wanting my phallus covered in the various red bumps decorating her mouth. Nonetheless, while visiting Facebrowser, the endless supply of boosted ass pictures is ostensibly a joy to look at. But anyone who has spent more than a fraction of a second on the platform will have noticed the equally-endless supply of critical and downright hateful comments, that really serve as a depressing contrast to the otherwise self-pleasuring mood you might view the pictures with. These users, who understandably have nothing better to do than than sit on Facebrowser and berate internet strangers, and whose names are most likely Karen, demand the corporate tech-geniuses running the popular site immediately put a stop to the pornography. Of course, not everyone is against the plentiful eye candy. The more elegant class of Facebrowser users, who seemingly enjoy what you might call the finer things in life, were a degree more enthusiastic in their thoughtful responses: "Oh mama!” -Dean Bell "kiss me” -tom fuck I must admit that I myself eventually started doubting if Facebrowser truly was intended to be a platform of pornographic nature, or whether these claims of it being a "networking site" indeed held a slither of truth. Through extreme investigative journalism, I was able to contact Facebrowser CEO Tek Is Dum, a humble man residing in Beijing, China. I inquired with Mr. Dum concerning the true intention of Facebrowser, to which he replied, "Our intention is definitely not to spy on American citizens and steal their information. The Chinese government would never do that. Not that Facebrowser is run by the Chinese government. That would be ludicrous. No further comment." Immediately after informing us that Facebrowser is in fact not another social network operated for the purpose of stealing our information - thankfully, thank you Facebrowser - Mr. Dum hung up the call. Perhaps we may never know if pornography truly belongs on the platform, but it sure is nice to look at. Rafael Vicente
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    You think violence against under 18's in video games is illegal? Boy, have I got a game for you....
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    WYM? We only have to do 30 numbers a day. ez /s 285
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